Thanks Toots, I made that choice - not to be a point on the triangle. At that time (see my reply to Cadet) I told him that as he and the OW seemed incapable of making a decision I would make it - I asked him to commit to her and leave me alone, to not come home, I also wished him well and hoped that she could give him what he thought he needed. He, of course didn't tell her any of this, and after a month, he ended the A, saying that while he loved her, he needed to be on his own for a while.
I do believe that she is in the background, ready for him to decide that she is 'enough' for him.
I have all the time, and space I need to focus on me, I have detached to the extent that I don't really want him here while he is behaving like this.
Our son just thinks he is a coward, a master manipulator, running away - escape and avoid - he also feels that we (me and his children are a disappointment to him as is his life here)..............I know it is more than that but I can see his point.
I have joined the gym with a friend, go to weekly yoga classes with my daughter and practice 'mindfullness'. The best is that I have great fun with my girls. I have reconnected with one of my good friends from Uni and I am simply getting on with things. I find joy everywhere, in nature, in other people.
I have a deep sadness for my H and my children - he has no real joy in his life - it is all fake, he wears and has worn so many masks that he doesn't know who he is. He is very stubborn and fatalistic so that when (not if) I tell him that I have had enough he will just accept it, he will think that he deserves it - so sad.............
