I'm just utterly gutted right now :(

[Frank75]

I don't even know where to start, but i'll try to make it short. Wife and I have been married for 11 years, together for 15. We started out great, the problems started creeping in about 6 years ago after her mom died of cancer.

This is where I take full blame, I don't handle death well, and I lacked the tools necessary to deal with it and also to comfort others. That being said, within a few months of her mom's passing, she turned on me. Looking back, she was full of anger about her mom and i was the punching bag but I had my own issues going on at the time and I handled it very badly to the point where I spent a few months sleeping in another bedroom.

We eventually reconciled after a few months and life moved on. Although we still had occasional moments of her reminding me that she was unhappy or something similar. We eventually relocated to a different state and it seemed like for some reason that kicked it all off again, within a few months of moving she told me she was ready for a divorce. This was in 2012. This is the point where she would bring up being unhappy, I'd do my best to try and convince her we COULD fix things, and then the issues would slip to the background. This is also a major mistake, instead of fully addressing our problems I would hope and pray for the next day when they would be "forgotten" and i wouldn't bring it back up for fear of having to deal with it again.

So fast forward to last month, she found a new job that turned out to be extremely stressful but she stuck with it. There was a ton of stress involved though including hating her new manager. At the same time, our 12 year old dog died suddenly. I'm not sure what role stress plays in stuff like this but i'm sure it did in this case because we started "swirling the bowl" at this same point.

So fast forward to a few days ago. I get an email from her that she's going to spend a few nights in a hotel and that she wants a divorce. She can't be happy, and she can't make me happy. Basically that it's a lost cause. She said she'd call or email in a few days to give me time to think (she still hasn't, it's been 48 hours and counting).

Now, after reading the above it may sound like we had a horrible marriage. We didn't until recently and even though we had bad days we also had good days. She just decided to push me away. I love her more than words can say, but she just has underlying issues with love thanks to a shitty childhood including...you guessed it...divorce.

Another issue is that she has NO ONE in her life that's in a healthy married relationship. Her aunts are all divorced, her uncles are divorced, her best friend was never married. So she has NO ONE to talk to that would actually give her decent advice about marriage and fighting for love. If anything her aunts are the "i am woman, here me roar" types that don't need men in their lives.

Sorry for rambling on, right now i'm alone, feel discarded, the love of my life is gone, and i just see such a bleak future. As much as i plan on fighting to get her back, she's so headstrong that I doubt it will happen. The other bad thing is that this is such a bad decision for her, without even factoring in my feelings. She's only making a pittance, has no insurance, she wants to "be alone" but i don't even think she realizes how old that gets in a relatively short time and how much work it will be where we live. There's no other man, she just wants "happiness" and thinks that being alone with a crap job will somehow give her that. Not to mention she has a husband that loves her so much he would do anything for her....aside from let her go

All i want is for her to see me in a different light, accept my love, and give me a chance to prove that I can make her happy. Having things out of my control is just such a horrific feeling and the thoughts of being without her has made me literally sick. I can't even eat right now.

Sorry for rambling and thanks for listening, it means the world to me