Strong EA after 2 yrs M #2 - The journey begins

[25yearsmlc]

I have an appointment with Denise (DB coach) tomorrow morning.
I'll let you know how it was.
I hope she can give me good advice and some fresh ideas and filter the things out that I didn't get advice on yet.

Had a good GAL day. But I'll be at home tonight, W will be there too.
Should I even ask how her first day at day shift was or tell her anything about mine?
I feel like I just should be upbeat if I see her but get out of her way mostly and call it a day!?

Never be rude. It never reflects well on you and it's a lousy thing to do. Plus, you don't want to make her feel good about her choice to end the marriage.

Remember that your behavior ought to Contrast with what SHE thinks about you.

You want to counter her negative images, with positives about you. That's why if you had a trait like always being late, you'd want to be VERY punctual or early for things just to shake her views and get her to start wondering if maybe, just maybe, her data about you isn't real or valid (or at least isn't true anymore).

Does that ^^ make sense to you?

Some of this all depends on how you normally behaved and how she normally behaves. Does she normally regale you with tales from work, or does she give brief answers and talk about other things? Do You normally want details and anecdotes or do you go into Your day? I'm not judging, just asking what will seem more natural to her and what would be authentic for you, AND WITH a PMA?

It's important to show self confidence in yourself. Know that you are a great catch; you will be available to her and you are NOT depressive or "settling" for your life anymore.

Someday you might want to thank her for waking you up and getting you back on track. Ask the DB coach about that b/c I might be wrong. But to ME, if my h said something like that, it would strike a chord.

My DB coach to "listen like a lover"< which can be extremely difficult and never applied to OW or anything known to be a threat to the marriage.

So if she brings up work OR if you do,

and IF YOU can handle information that might relate to the OM,

then go for it. But be ready to 1) ask follow up questions that show you are listening to her carefully and are interested in HER,

OR
2) IF she brings up OM for some reason...be ready to say nothing in response,

OR

3) give a Starsky response, such as "W, at best, it's disrespectful of you to speak to me of OM, so kindly stop."

THEN you leave the room. You don't wait for her answer (b/c it's not a question).
You leave the room and start a project or take a shower or go jogging or whatever it is that gets you OUT of there - so you demonstrate that the behavior is unacceptable to you and that you won't negotiate it or debate it OR lose your temper.

Do Not lose your temper. Anger isn't your friend, or at least showing anger, isn't.

You are above all that...

For more insights or advice, I think this ^^ is something your coach can advise you well on.