train, 25yrs, others who kept up on my sitch

[Complex]

I agree. I should've said that too.
Lot of people would love to be in your situation. So am I.
You have to look forward, not backwards. There are no old threads of yours. They don't exist, you came a long way to where you are right now!
The only way is going forward. I'd get some expert advice.
And I'd get it soon because I'm sure the situation isn't doing any good for your kids.
Love, complex