I don't know how my W will see or notice the changes I am making we never see each other.
I understand your concern. However, if you can earnestly make changes for yourself, and not focus on whether or not she ever sees them.......I believe the dividends will pay off for you. As long as you are looking at her to see if she's looking at you........it keeps you frustrated and powerless. Besides, when she does happen to run into you or hear about you through another source, she'll be surprise to see how much you have really changed, b/c it won't be for show or to win her back. That is only one reason you will read around here so much about detaching.
Don't overlook what I said about this taking a long time. It's not uncommon to take at least a couple of years.......sometimes more, for the WAW to have sufficient time and space, before she begins to have a change of heart. I don't say this to discourage, but so that you will see it is something that won't happen overnight or a few months. Question is, can you let go of the main focus (her divorcing you) right now, and go to work on what you can control? Sometimes, it takes a D in order for the WAW to feel free of the pressure on her to reconcile. It doesn't have to take place, but it happens. Some couples have been known to remarry after a D.
The secret (if there is any such thing) is to let go of the control. Let go of expectations. Let go of trying to hold on to her, in spite of her feelings. Just let it go and build a life for yourself and be happy without depending on a R with her. The sooner you will do it, the sooner you will be out of so much pain. This may sound like the craziest advice you've ever heard, but learning to get a life without the WAS is a major ingredient to DBing.
As soon as you get the book, study it. Don't just glance over parts of it. Continue to come here and post. Read other threads and lean from them. It will help more than you know.
Now, work on a list of the changes you need to make. Dig really deep.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
