Thanks for keeping checking in on me. I've not had much I can really add to yours as your getting much better input than I can offer.
I just wanted to say though that I have read a whole bunch of relationship type books since BD (like 30). And there is a lot of good stuff - but NMMNG was the one that had the biggest impact on me, it was disturbingly accurate in all but a couple of things. It might not resonate with you but I think you'll get a lot out if it.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
