I complexly agree. I'm not proud of what I did but I did what I did and have to live with that. As far as double standard I can accept that. This is not an excuse but just an explanation. We were already in trouble when this happened, Intimacy in our marriage was dwindling and I didn't know why nor had the skills to find out. The events happened on nights out when I was very drunk and I was the one pursued. I was weak and gave in. The only positive I can take is that I felt so guilty I couldn't go through with it. Again this is not an excuse as there isn't one just an explanation.
Unfortunately while your actions do not fit within the normal DB system nor normal 180 solutions, they did do something as you can see. Your wife is PISSED, and it's an obvious double standard that even she can't lie to herself about. I was never a tit for tatter, but my new belief system is the cheating is more fun as long as the betrayed stays faithful. As soon as the betrayed gets a gf or bf and starts up the sex and having fun with someone else instead of waiting on spouse to return, it dumps cold water on the heat of their affair. They can now see it for what it really is, because they really think what you did was dirty and despicable...
Originally Posted By: SRD
As far as the strippers. This was innocent. There was nothing in it at all. It wasnt something enjoyable but embarrassing. Did I say no? No, I just went along with it to be "one of the boys" Have I ever had that again? No. Again this is not an excuse. To be fair I did tell her about the strippers straight away. My wife is no wall flower when it comes to that sort of thing either.
Strippers is a normal part of many "good" relationships even, of course with rules. Still guys and ladies do things that if their spouse was there they probably would not do... But it is good your wife knows you have a life outside of her.
I take it your story could end up being one of the more positive DB stories in the end if you do what you are supposed to do.
Originally Posted By: SRD
Your right i wouldnt have admitted it had i not found out. Begging and crying first ? No. I found out asked her, she admitted and said something aong the lines of "well i have no idea what you have done either" so i just admitted it.
How did she respond immediately after this? I take it there was a very quick change in her attitude. You know they are like on god mode when they cheated you, and when you reveal you've done your own it takes that away.
"I didn't really want to, but you've been neglecting my needs for a very long time"
Originally Posted By: SRD
Im not judging anything. I think we have both made some very bad choices. We live under the same roof for the moment so we have agreed no more talk about it and just be friendly so as not to upset our daughter.
As far as reconcilliation. It is looking highly unliekly that is going to happen. The man she is having an affair with is her business partner so not as easy as just to end it. Im of the mindset now to detach work on me and be the best dad i can be.
SMH.
Originally Posted By: SRD
As far as more surprises, there are none from my side. Im not convinced on her time line of her affair though. Red flags suggest it has been going on much longer. They my have only been physical 6 months or so ago but she has been involved with him for much longer im pretty sure of that.
Some of her friends know about it. You can find out which friends know about it by planting a VAR in her car. Also didn't you find out this stuff from phone text chats? Perhaps in her chats to some of her friends it's discussed so you can go back in history.
It doesn't take long to go from inappropriate comments to physical, not long at all.
