Requesting support and direction

[Andy125]

Hey Linda great to hear from you. I have popped over and read your sitch… wow does it in some ways remind me of what I am going through… Hell at one point she had bought yogurt that was made in Australia. I didn’t realize it until later when I was throwing it out because it never got eaten. I kinda wondered why I hadn’t heard from you, but also thought that with some of the forum heavy weights offering advice if that might have been the reason.

I really appreciate the list that you posted on the 29th it helped me to try and focus on the good things, where I can. I also noticed from one of your threads that Cadet had posted some links to read up on. I will try and take a look at those too. The GAL endeavors continue. Last night I went out again to a going away party for a co-worker. It was definitely a win win for me, and here is why. My W decided to get up for the packer game (probably because that has been one of the big links between her and OM). She was obviously tired by the end of the game, as she chose to actually come and watch our D’s hockey games after work. Instead of me doing/being suckered into changing my plans because she was tired I chose to head out to the party. I had a really good evening.

Ok so I guess the question is so what? Well here is the thing, for me stepping out on my own and taking time for me is a huge 180. If this had been a year ago I never would have left the house… I probably wouldn’t have even gone to the fancy party the night before. Especially if my W had started putting the kind of subtle pressure on me that she was. I would have stayed in and made an excuse as to why I didn’t go despite saying I’d be there. There is other reasons I would have stayed…. When my W is tired she has a short fuse. That almost always leads to her being mean and angry with the kids. I hate it, and have tried to shelter them as best as I can from it. But it has come at a cost to me; I would get very little time to myself. I always felt I had to be there to instantly break it up any fighting or anger. Don’t get me wrong if I felt it was remotely a safety issue we would be gone, I have just been overly protective.

The other great thing was that once I was out I had a great time! The kind words of support I have received from my co-workers have been over the top. They have been very encouraging of me going back to school, as well as my whole sitch. I can’t say enough about how much that has helped, to know I have support, people that care and people that want to see the best for me has been amazing. I know this journey is my own and something that I need to do for and by myself… but it certainly helps to have people give you that shot in the arm when you need it.

As for the drama at home well nothing has changed. I will continue to hope that something positive is right around the corner, but I also know I have no idea how close or far I am away from that corner. The plans remain the same, she is choosing to move out, right around my D8 birthday (which [censored] and is totally shitty!! But hey I can’t control that). The ever looming life change of school is getting closer and closer. Again excited and scared all wrapped up into one! Please feel free to ask any questions or offer comment. Thank you again for all the posts, and keeping an eye on my sitch. It will perpetually be a roller coaster for the foreseeable future…. I am learning to accept that…. I will continue to post here the good and the bad. Because after all “You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story & hustle for your worthiness.” ~ Brene Brown