There are a couple of things that really stick out to me here.
I remember earlier in your postings that you were distressed that some other family members were willing to meet with OW. Stacey, for your sake, you need to let go of this. The fact that they are willing to meet her is not a rejection of you, nor does it mean that they are picking his "side", it doesn't say anything at all about how they feel about you. It means one thing only, and that is that they want to maintain a relationship with their family member and that makes them ...........human. My MIL has used a lot of invective when discussing the OW ("What kind of woman must she be....etc). However, if and when the time comes, I'm sure she will meet OW and be courteous to her, because she loves her son and wants to be in his life. And while all of this might be awkward for me, ultimately I don't want my kids to have one whole side of their family estranged from one another over this.
I doubt D20 is going to form any concrete opinion of OW based on one meeting. And if she likes her? So what? Doesn't diminish her feelings or relationship for you in any way.
You know what would concern me a lot more? The fact that D20 wasn't sure if she should tell you or not. It's a sticky, icky situation for all involved, but if my daughters were that age, I would hope they would think of me as the parent they could be open with and not be afraid of hurting me. Look, I know that's a tall order and I'm not going to lie, when D3 babbles about "Lisa" it hurts . But it shouldn't be my daughter's burden right now to tiptoe around my feelings. So I suck it up, and gently try to steer the conversation in a different direction when it happens.
Your kids are older - but they're still kids and they are dealing with their own pain about this. Don't allow the OW to cause any damage there. If your daughter is uncomfortable to tell you about her - you are giving OW power she should not have.
I sense that these family members meeting OW upsets you so much, because you feel it will help solidify their relationship and you , of course, are hoping it will fail. I think all of us who have a WAS in a affair feel that way. Who wouldn't? I know some people here say the AP is a symptom. I guess so, but only if that symptom is like active chicken pox, not the underlying cause of the disease, but something that makes it impossible to interact with other people normally. We're all kind of hoping for that rash to clear up.
