uR, actually, I feel like it is sucking the hope out if me. Like I need to run and take cover. It is totally contradictory to what he has been saying. I noticed things changed after obd (operation baby drop), and this comment opened my eyes- WIDE!
I don't even want to mess with that fire. We need to figure out a schedule, but whatever he decides to do is his problem.
I'm officially checking out.
S, if they go to bil or not, it does not matter to me. I was just responding to heather. I was trying to give the point of how un-close my kids are with them and how it's not a comfortable place for them and never has been.
Right now, I'm just laying everything out on the table. Taking a good look at the sitch- where it has gotten. This helps me assess. I'm pretty analytical in that sense. I have to put it in perspective. Title crazy as crazy. Then I can walk away knowing or having perspective as to what I am walking away from or detaching from. Otherwise I will continue to question and spin.
Lay it out. Take a look. Drop it like it's hot.
Done it before. Doing it again- just from a different place.
If your h cries the blues about the children staying over at the bill's...he's got another option...he can always rent a nice hotel room for the time he has them. It would be an adventure for the kids and he definitely would think about where he will visit w/them the next time around. LOL!
Your xh made the choice to walk away and the divorce has been final for a while. He should realize that he can't have it both ways, i.e., spending time in your home and sucking the life out of you and then leaving and living w/your bil. He's enjoying his freedom while your are the responsible parent. If he truly wants to spend time w/the children, HE will find a way to do so and also a place to do it.
Mighty, you are a fixer. There were two things that I found to be difficult for me and they were: 1, changing my patterns of being a fixer and 2) digging for more patience. Get that rubber band out, place it on your wrist and snap it each and every time you think about him or try to fix things for him.
Quite frankly, he's got to fix himself. When he walked out, he fired you as his wife, companion and lover. He needs to grow up on his own w/o your help. Remember...you were fired, therefore he's got to do the work himself.
Hang in there. You've got a lot of people in your corner. You might want to think about meeting up w/Heather. You owe it to yourself to get away for a bit, even if it's just for a short period of time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am so sorry to hear this. Now you know for sure and nothing has really changed because he's still going to be out there as a confused puppy. Let him go to figure things out.
Now, it is very important that you take care of YOU. Find a pillow and beat the stuffings out of it. Find something physical to do to help you relieve some of that stress and grief. You have to take care of yourself.
Shining is absolutely correct, you are them most important person right now and they are not. Don't worry about him because he's a grown man and yes, this is his mess to deal with. Now, you and your children will need to figure out how to move forward w/this news.
Again, I am very sorry to hear this news.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
