If your h cries the blues about the children staying over at the bill's...he's got another option...he can always rent a nice hotel room for the time he has them. It would be an adventure for the kids and he definitely would think about where he will visit w/them the next time around. LOL!
Your xh made the choice to walk away and the divorce has been final for a while. He should realize that he can't have it both ways, i.e., spending time in your home and sucking the life out of you and then leaving and living w/your bil. He's enjoying his freedom while your are the responsible parent. If he truly wants to spend time w/the children, HE will find a way to do so and also a place to do it.
Mighty, you are a fixer. There were two things that I found to be difficult for me and they were: 1, changing my patterns of being a fixer and 2) digging for more patience. Get that rubber band out, place it on your wrist and snap it each and every time you think about him or try to fix things for him.
Quite frankly, he's got to fix himself. When he walked out, he fired you as his wife, companion and lover. He needs to grow up on his own w/o your help. Remember...you were fired, therefore he's got to do the work himself.
Hang in there. You've got a lot of people in your corner. You might want to think about meeting up w/Heather. You owe it to yourself to get away for a bit, even if it's just for a short period of time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
