Soooo, what's up, everyone? It's been a few weeks so I think it's time to check in here. It's a holiday and I'm at work. Please note I did not say I'm working. It's already lunch time, and I have done anything remotely resembling work here at the office.
January is half over. And it's been busy here in my world. D17 started her basketball at school for the Project Unify team. Please note I did not say "play basketball". That would imply a few things: 1) she's cognizant of why she's on the court; 2) she understands that moving the ball is the only goal in the game; 3) when she's on the court, hustling is a priority. She doesn't do any of the above. When it's her turn, Mr. Wonderful and I just shake our heads and kind of groan. We both shout out, "RUN!" Instead, she waves at us while holding the hand of a typical peer, and just meanders mid court--sometimes yawning and sometimes signing "all done" at the score keepers. I literally run along the bleachers, parallel to the court, to show her to run. Nope. Not gonna happen. BUT she loves it. The kids are awesome and for some reason, they like holding her hand in mid court. My favorite comment was Friday night when she was getting ready to take her turn. I looked over at Mr. W. and he said, "Oh God. They're putting her in. Just when they took the lead." LOL. A distinct difference between the athleticism of our two girls.
That keeps us occupied a few nights a week. And it's really fun. These kids have a way of making you feel happy just watching them. Where else can you pay $5 to feel that way?
Aside from the real life stuff--like walking D20 through putting a deposit on her townhouse for senior year; OR trading in my little RX-8 for a more practical mini van; OR project managing a big and lucrative project in southern California; OR re-hiring my much loved and appreciated cleaning people at home--I've been pretty damn busy. Mr. Wonderful and I have embarked on getting guardianship of D17, who turns 18 on March 3. This is not a job for sissies! On top of that, I'm getting trained to take over as her family caregiver. Basically, I'm going through CNA training. Holy cow. I really didn't need this right now, but since she's not moving her birthday any time soon, I gotta take my medicine.
I'm back to painting furniture to help my stress level. I really enjoy that. Right now, I'm working on a jewelry armoire. Oh, and rearranging the furniture in my house. And shopping like a fool because I'm sick of everything. I'm *so* happy D20 is moving into her own place next year... I'd feel bad replacing perfectly good stuff that I still like, but I'm doing it to help a poor, starving and unemployed kid. So I'm feeling better about myself every minute. Who says being self serving isn't pleasurable????
Now to my latest whine of the week. My BFF is on my ass to find my soul mate. Sigh. I told her last night that I don't want to date. I don't want to find a nice guy. But if one shows up at my door, I'll invite him in AND be nice. Until I change my mind, I'm choosing ME. I'm nice to me. I'm empathetic about everything that's going on in my life. And I make sure to tell me that this is all okay. Then my BFF says that by turning 18, my youngest effectively makes me an empty nester - even though she's not leaving my nest and I'm gonna be her caregiver. Sigh. Why can't they just go out and do what they say I should do and leave me alone? When I'm ready to seek out someone for myself, I will do it.
THIS time, I'm not avoiding something that I fear. I simply have no bandwidth for any other heavy lifting in my life, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I need to process my feelings about all the other stuff. Then you add the periodic bouts of grieving and you have yourself a fine mess. No. I'm just not going to do it because she thinks 10 years of being divorced is long enough for me. I just need to honor my feelings as I navigate these huge changes in my life. Is that so wrong?
(Hypothetical question. Because I *know* the answer. )
Anyway, I'm taking deep breaths and living through all of this stuff. Add another stressor to the mix: last week, D17 must have hit something at my office (she was coloring, crying out loud) and chipped her front tooth half off. We're going to the dentist tomorrow afternoon to evaluate the recommended course of action. Which, BTW, I don't have room in my schedule for. But I'm gonna have to create it. It will undoubtedly include a trip to Children's Hospital and anesthesia for my little special needs nightmare. Can you see me jumping up and down from excitement? Oh, I thought not. It's more or less along the lines of banging my head on my desk anyway...
Wii, I'm holding out for that fairy tale ending. I'm hoping that it 1) doesn't involve any participants in white, 2) doesn't have some bizarre twist or unforeseen consequence, and 3) doesn't have to involve any knights of any kind. But I take cash and anyone with mops and buckets...
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
My favorite comment was Friday night when she was getting ready to take her turn. I looked over at Mr. W. and he said, "Oh God. They're putting her in. Just when they took the lead." LOL. A distinct difference between the athleticism of our two girls. 
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