We all found it because D was not a word that we were willing to hear. The focus on here is ourselves and making changes ourselves that will re-attract a spouse who's asking for divorce. That's why Mr. Bond asked those questions.
You'll see that how this goes is both people in the M take actually opposite roles than you would think. Person asking the D is scared, fearful and normally has shut their emotions down. My wife is the same way, No Contact at all outside of counseling (mediation.) Once our spouse leaves, we try to 'convince' them to stay to no avail. That's where it gets weird here. We actually then need to make like we are okay with the whole thing meanwhile fixing all of the problems that we alone are accountable for in making the marriage get to this point.
Some problems with us are more than others, but the one thing to remember is that you can't 'make' her change her mind.
So it looks like you already identified things to improve. Stick on here and folks going through it, like myself as well as folks that have been through it (either D or reconcile) will help you out.
Biggest thing is that we need to be comfortable with who we are and then it may be apparent to our spouse that they want to come back close to us. Make sense?
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
