My gut is just telling me HOW REAL this is...not good.
Your gut is wrong. Toots has it right.
Complex, your biggest challenge right now is detaching. Letting go. Realizing that nothing you can say will impact what your W does. But this is what you must do, or you will drive yourself mad.
This is very difficult, the hardest thing to do once an A is discovered. Your fastest recovery and position of greatest impact is a position of calm, peaceful, objective reason, not one of emotional reaction to W's every move.
Sounds impossible, but stop thinking about them and how perfect they are. They are obviously both quite broken. Anytime you start thinking about them, STOP, and then start thinking about what you need to do for you.
