So you are just now revealing your two times to her? Are there any more surprises?
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I remember before we got married i told her that my mates had got me a stripper on my stag do. It was the same look in her eyes.
How would you have felt if she had had male strippers? I hear it can get pretty raunchy. Did you kick the strippers out, or go along with things......b/c of your buddies? That is what she was thinking about.
And you want to know why she is annoyed? For starters, I would say a little thing like a double standard.
She has been hit with this news of you being unfaithful more than once, and you wonder why she's annoyed? What did you expect? Since she was in an A, it canceled out your own....or somehow made you even with each other? It doesn't, and you kept it hidden all this time. You tried the begging & crying and when that didn't work you thought that was your ace card? If you confess your A's then she would see that both of you had made mistakes and she would be ready to relent? Oh man, were you wrong.
She has cheated, yes. But it doesn't mean she will be any more cool with you cheating on her. Just as you aren't cool with what she's doing. The fact your unfaithfulness may not have been to the degree hers has been, or that it was in the past, makes no difference with her. To her, it might as well happened yesterday. And if you had not confronted her about her A, you probably would never had admitted your own transgressions. She needs time to be angry about your conduct. She needs time to look at this whole situation with this new information. She hasn't digested it.
So, you need to stay away from her. Leave her alone. She feels you have no right to judge her, ask or expect anything from her, or have any truth or accountability from her. She feels she owes you nothing right now. Only space and time, for her to be able to think this out more clearly, can work in your favor. And if she does end the A and decides she wants to work on the M, you had better get both of you into some serious MC to address these issues and how to prevent it happening again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
