I can’t even place myself where you are. As someone who cares deeply for you looking in, it is hard to see you spin like this.
Mighty, I see you trying so hard to find peace.
I believe you are doing everything you possibly can and then some to get there.
The thing is, although you write that you are detached, and that you are focusing on yourself, you really are not. You are too deep in it to see this. You are actually doing the opposite of what you think you are doing.
For me, I couldn't see it until I stepped back. You can’t see it yet. But you will.
Take a breath. Get out of the house. Heck, get out of the state if you have to. It may be just what you need to shake things up and gain a different perspective.
My dear friend, this is not going to turn around anytime soon. You are taking crumbs. It gives you hope. Then it goes haywire, and you're upset.
Paying attention to him and her are not serving you well. Not at all.
What I mean by that, is when you guess what they are doing, when they do it and why, and what they were thinking, and what they will do in the future, what he has realized, when is he staying there, when is he coming here, what he blames you for now....
He hasn't done the work. Not one ounce. Don't get taken to soothe his immediate needs, because that is all you are doing.
You are putting energy into something you have zero control over. It is a waste. And it only hurts you. I believe it is keeping you stuck.
I see how much you love him. Your M was real. It was meaningful. And obviously you were both very connected as a couple because there is still a tie that can’t be undone.
However, he is in crisis. He cannot be that man now. The hope is he can in the future. Watching the chaos is causing more pain for you, Might.
SHOULD you find yourself working on a R in the future, the less you know about them, the less you have to work through in piecing. You must stop watching, stop asking questions that are not about the kids…and restrict the convo to YOUR kids only…and stop thoughts of wondering about them altogether.
You must stop letting their behaviors become engraved into your memory.
He may be there in body….but, Mighty, right now? He is gone.
I’m so sorry to say that. I know how bad it hurts to realize, because I have been there.
Resisting the truth of that is keeping you in pain.
