Inside my chrysalis 10

[uRworthy]

S, Im going to be really tough here because it's important.

HE dictated when and how he would move out. HE dictated what furniture he would take. HE dictated how and when we would tell D. When separation is a one sided decision, many of these "dictations" make sense.

Nope, they did not make sense. You could have told him when you needed him out. You could have had an opinion about what furniture was ok and what was not. You werent ready then, but, you could have had control there, you just chose not to exercise it. You allowed him to have it. Its done now, I just want you to see your mindset.

I heard this and said "she'll need a leotard, I can bring one to starbucks if you like". I' m a very nice person, aren't I?

You bailed him out. I know you did this for your daughter, but, she is with her daddy and he needs to figure it out. Not to punish him, just to allow him to live his choices.

Me: I brought a leotard and sweats for her. I also included her piano book because she hasn't practiced all weekend and her class is tomorrow. She might need help with Moonlight Sonata... it's pretty complicated.

He should be asking you what she needs to get done. She is also getting old enough to know that, too. Not your job to inform him of what HIS daughter needs. It's his job when he has her.

So, you dropped off the leotard and should have been on your way...instead you got this:

WAH: Well I didn't know that so now I have to figure that out because I don't have lunch stuff at home.

Yea, well, figure it out bucko.

Me: Oh. [silence] So, I get off work at 3 but I have a thing from 4-5 and then I was hoping to hit yoga from 5:30 to 7 so I can meet you to pick up D7 around 7:30. Is that good for you?

Ok, why all of that? Just, I can pick her up at 7:30. If he has her and hasnt told you of any plans he has, then....

WAH: Well I thought she could practice piano at the house because there's no other place except my parents house [his parents house is 15 houses away from me] but I guess that can be arranged.

Me: Great! Ok then. Have a great day at camp today, D7! I'll see you tonight and you can tell me all about it!

Perfect! ^^^^

WAH: Oh and does she really need a leotard? I mean, I was just going to send her like that [D7 is dressed in jeans and a t-shirt].
Me: Mmmm, Her friends will have leotards on and jeans are rather restrictive. All the other times she went to this day camp she wore a leotard. Do you have a pony tail holder? They'll require her hair to be back, too.

Your answer should have been a simple, yes, she does.

... I put that boundary down a while ago and yet we STILl touch on it every time I see him. I know he thinks I'm trying to teach him a lesson and he fights it HARD. He doesn't like being told what to do and me placing that boundary, to him, is me telling him what he can and cannot do. It doesn't go over well.

Too bad, so sad for him. As long as that boundary is truly for you, S.

You really need to let him figure this out with your d, S. It's important for everyone involved. You cant keep fixing it. It's not your job.

Other GAL activities really just keep me at home. I'm considering getting Rosetta Stone to learn French. A solo activity. Deepen my meditation practice. Another solo activity (though I've looked for group meditation groups, they are SUPER pricey). I don't know... I'm not an introvert but I seem to be doing more introverted things.

You have to think outside the box some. Check out the library, meet ups, parks department. Most free or very inexpensive.