Thanks Cadet - I have read everything I could find on cake eating - this is what this is, I have no doubt! But what to do about it, I don't know. He is being fatalistic.
Without going into details of our / his current sex life, there is no issue in terms of diseases. I can't really explain this very well here but he has issues. It is also not all about sex with these other women, sorry but this is too difficult to explain.
The only way I can think of to change this dynamic is to ask him not to come home again unless or until he ends these relationships with other women - I think he would / might decide not to come home. How then can I show him that I am moving forward, how would I db. Is this fair to our children? They would never see him.
But something has to happen and all the while I am concerned about his mental health.
I honestly don't know what to do. I know I could refuse to sleep with him when he is here but I honestly believe that this is not about sex, it is about intimacy that we both need. It does bring us closer and I consider it important.
