Vossy! Good to see you! I agree with you. WAH definitely needs a reality check. I'm always mindful though about whether I'm being punitive or attempting to teach him a lesson. That's why this board and you ladies are so helpful. I need to be called to task sometimes.
Karma, I'm coming to some conclusions about WAH's cake eating. Read below.
UR, thanks for coming by. I've missed you.
In my particular situation I'm beginning to see a pattern emerge. At BD and regarding separation, WAH has called pretty much ALL the shots. HE dictated when and how he would move out. HE dictated what furniture he would take. HE dictated how and when we would tell D. When separation is a one sided decision, many of these "dictations" make sense.
Now, however, as I am slowly coming into my own and owning up to the fact that this isn't being DONE to me, that I am an active participant with a voice, feelings and a right to be heard, I am seeing a pattern of WAH trying to control me with his cake eating. It worked for a while. Now I'm wiser.
He invites me out under the guise of seeing D. I accept because I want to see D. I look past some of the awkwardness for D's sake but the reality is, when i'm with the two of them she's either reading or playing the ipad. It's not that she's not happy to see me but she's doing her own thing and I can rest assured that she's not DYING from missing me so much. And if she were, she could call me anytime. Anytime. She knows that.
Today is MLK day. D is off but I am not. WAH signed D up for a day of gymnastic camp with some of her friends. I heard this and said "she'll need a leotard, I can bring one to starbucks if you like". I' m a very nice person, aren't I?
I arrive at Starbucks this morning. D is sitting at a table playing the ipad, WAH is in line ordering. I sit down, hug D, ask if she's excited about gym camp. WAH comes over, we exchange clipped hellos and he sits down. Here's the convo:
Me: I brought a leotard and sweats for her. I also included her piano book because she hasn't practiced all weekend and her class is tomorrow. She might need help with Moonlight Sonata... it's pretty complicated.
WAH: ugh, ok. [silence] Gym camp today is from 9 - 3 but I guess I'm supposed to bring a lunch for her.
Me: Yeah. Probably.
WAH: Well I didn't know that so now I have to figure that out because I don't have lunch stuff at home.
Me: Oh. [silence] So, I get off work at 3 but I have a thing from 4-5 and then I was hoping to hit yoga from 5:30 to 7 so I can meet you to pick up D7 around 7:30. Is that good for you?
WAH: Wait. Meet us? So you specifically don't want us at the house?
Me: Right. There's no reason to be at the house since I'm not there.
WAH: Well I thought she could practice piano at the house because there's no other place except my parents house [his parents house is 15 houses away from me] but I guess that can be arranged.
Me: Great! Ok then. Have a great day at camp today, D7! I'll see you tonight and you can tell me all about it!
WAH: Oh and does she really need a leotard? I mean, I was just going to send her like that [D7 is dressed in jeans and a t-shirt].
Me: Mmmm, Her friends will have leotards on and jeans are rather restrictive. All the other times she went to this day camp she wore a leotard. Do you have a pony tail holder? They'll require her hair to be back, too.
WAH: No. [sigh!!] I guess I have to go back to the apartment to make her a lunch and to get a pony tail holder. D7 told me she didn't want me to do her hair this morning, will they really not let her into the camp without her hair back?
Me: It has to be off her face, it's a requirement for entering the gym but you can talk to them about it.
WAH: What's the point of a day camp on a holiday if it requires this much work for the parents?!
Me: [shrug]
WAH: D7, stop playing with your yogurt and drink your orange juice. Eat the yogurt first because you can eat the banana bread in the car because we have to go back to the apartment.
Me: Alright, I'm off then.
D7: Momma, will you help me put on my leotard in the bathroom?
Me: Sure, babe. Let's go.
WAH: D7, don't put your clothes on the floor when you change, that's gross. And don't walk on the floor barefoot, that's disgusting. Wait. YOu know what? You need to finish your breakfast before you change. Maybe you can just change at the gym because we have to stop back off at the apartment and you're just going to throw your clothes all over the floor and that's just disgusting so finish your yogurt so we can go.
Me: Alright. I'm off then. See you tonight, D7. Be a big listener today, ok?
Part of me couldn't help but chuckle at him struggling with the "work" involved in taking D to gym camp for the day but his face when I said they couldn't be in the house unless i was there...
... I put that boundary down a while ago and yet we STILl touch on it every time I see him. I know he thinks I'm trying to teach him a lesson and he fights it HARD. He doesn't like being told what to do and me placing that boundary, to him, is me telling him what he can and cannot do. It doesn't go over well.
I made plans to visit a friend in San Diego over Valentine's Day weekend. It's a small GAL activity that gets me out of town and hanging out with a friend. Something I really need. I need to do more of that kind of thing.
Other GAL activities really just keep me at home. I'm considering getting Rosetta Stone to learn French. A solo activity. Deepen my meditation practice. Another solo activity (though I've looked for group meditation groups, they are SUPER pricey). I don't know... I'm not an introvert but I seem to be doing more introverted things.
