Yes I do, Labug, and JCred's very first post (can't remember whose thread it was) is quite telling. I missed the deleted post on Maybell's thread, too. Which is to say it was drama on another thread that ruffled my feathers. The man cave is not a sincere attempt to talk about man stuff (that wouldn't bother me). It is an attempt to repair a damaged ego and prove a point. It's divisive. It's a trap. Buyers beware.
Claire, I don't think you are being selfish at all. Your ILs were a part of your life and you want to be there for them. That's a pretty natural reaction. I think it would be weirder if you didn't feel like that!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Sorry you are having a rough go, Claire. I understand your wanting to be there for the ILs since you all were family. Hang in there!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I have an opportunity to show grace, validation, and a 180.
H seems super stressed. He says he wants to take D for overnight Fri/Saturday day as scheduled. But things seem to be touch and go with his dad. He asked me, how flexible can I be? He said he's sorry that I have to take on so much responsibility re: D. He writes, "I don't know what to do."
He's probably expecting me to be annoyed, resentful, critical. I want to show him the opposite of that, but don't want to sound like I'm pursuing.
His reply: "You have been a real savior. I'm grateful. Thank you."
(And you are a fool to walk away from me, H).
I have to believe that living according to my morals and values will serve me in the "end" somehow... if only to make the world a slightly better place for someone else, or to help me live a peaceful life.
Serving by your values will definetely bring you a peaceful life, no doubts there. I've read somewhere about how a lot of our bad experiences stem from feeling like our values are being compromised and the internal conflict that goes with that. Which is why I think this situation feels so bad for us. I bet we all rank family among our top values. If we didn't, we'd be long gone.
Glad you got a positive response from your H.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Mine is (was? I suppose he could have changed) very controlling in only certain aspects - namely objects/items. I always knew that about him but was willing to accept it because I thought the good outweighed the bad. I do feel relieved to not have to work around all of that anymore, but it wasn't a deal-breaker for me, and he was never interested in considering letting go a little bit and accepting things won't always be exactly how he wanted them to be. What I mean by controlling about "things": he would ask people to wash their hands before touching remotes or video game controllers. He wouldn't let me drive his car for 6 months after he bought it (when it became a necessity because I moved in with him and didn't have a car!) and even then I had to put the seat and mirror back just how he had it. He would get very upset when his shoes, items on the bathroom counter, things on his desk, etc. were moved. He had very careful piles of paperwork on the floor that were not to be touched or rearranged, even though he didn't know exactly what was in them. Clothes had to be folded and hung in very specific ways. Things like that.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
My H was and is the Food Police. He can tell if there are crackers missing out of a box and is happy to comment on what you should and shouldn't be eating. He doesn't do it to me anymore but does the girls, especially D12. Drives me crazy
