Devastated Husband; Need Advice...Part 2

[TSquared2]

I need to find someone else to bounce my frustrations off of, not depend on my W to ask me or help me through it, at least not right now. And I need to stop expressing so much how I feel to her, because she's not ready for it. If I keep doing this, she'll get even more frustrated and I'll really be set back a few weeks.

^^^^ There ya go ^^^^

Come here, maybe see an IC, pastor/priest to work things out... Do you have a friend or two who "get" what you are trying to do here (maybe people don't, unfortunately)?

Do you have Sandi's 37 rules memorized?

And I need to stop expressing so much how I feel to her,

Yes...because she knows how you feel, so you repeating it is clingy and pressuring and probably pushes her away. Let go of her pants leg...


What does detachment sound/look/feel like to you? And actually, I prefer the term non-attachment... a quote from a blog I read this weekend:

So then what is non-attachment in a loving, committed relationship? My understanding of attachment is that it’s not about what we have or don’t have, but what our expectations of them are. As unenlightened people, we live with a persistent delusion that people and things will provide us with more happiness and satisfaction than they really can. And this is where we get tripped up.

…real contentment can only come from within ourselves. A partner can’t provide that for us, and to expect it will only lead to disappointment.

So for example, how much am I using my partner’s love to fill a void in my own love and acceptance of myself? A truly healthy individual is one who is complete by herself, and doesn’t need to depend on anything or anyone else to feel whole and content. I don’t mean we should go it alone and isolate ourselves from others. I mean simply not to depend on someone or something external to me as a necessary condition for my happiness.

Hang in there!