As with toots I got confused by the app charging (have zero budget just at the moment!)
Didn't catch what you are up to in Belgium, work based? I know this is a hard time, you've had this long run up which I didnt have to go through bad as my bd was. I had the typical shock and recovery/setback/recovery which is hard enough.
I've said many times my hat is off to anyone who has in house sep, Im dearly hoping having your own space will give you the mind room I got to start processing and detaching.
As I said in my thread I've been being bothered by mr fixit locked up in his box and having a scratch the last couple of nights, I think thats a momentum thing irking him. Got him somewhat under control again today so make sure (since I think we have that same guy in both our brains) to not let him out to play too much as he will so sap your energy.
Take it easy mate.
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
With the app you get a 10 session trial. I guess you could keep doing those but I found it helpful so purchased a one year subscription. My runaway brain has always been part of my struggles so I figure if it helps with that I'm getting somewhere
Yeah Belgium is a work thing. Should be interesting though.
I'm not sure whether the in house has been good or bad. In some ways its not been too bad though its been really hurtful the way she shut herself off from me. It also made no relationship talks so much harder.
Currently my Mr fix it is thrashing to try something to fix it and make her understand so I need to find a way to calm him down a bit - maybe give him some Lego to play with.
Last edited by jim0987; 01/19/1501:41 PM.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
It depends what package you get but I got a 12 month one so it was £60. Last night I was struggling with sleep as my thoughts were racing but the exercises calmed me down a load
Any time I've had a real strop in the past its been on the back of this spiralling. In the past I got told about 'laddering' but that didn't help (made it worse actually) but this seems to help me
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Oh, Jim...I am thinking of you and praying for you. I am sorry I am a few days behind, but I know how painful your STBXW leaving must have been. Though my XH and I did not share a house during our separation, he has not fully moved out, so I know it will hit hard when he does. Hang in there and know that better days are ahead. (((Jim)))
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I know i should update on what i’ve been doing, how my GAL activities are going, the interesting stuff I've read and what i’ve got planned for the weekend etc. etc.
In a lot of ways it been a really good couple of days but it doesn’t feel like it matters.
Today my wife completed the purchase of her new house and moved out.
I have returned to an empty house. A house that no longer has my wife, my kids or my cats, devoid of furniture and simply a shell for what should have been my family home.
Nowhere ever felt like home for me until I moved in with my wife, and then it wasn’t about the house it was that I came back to somewhere where i felt happy, secure and loved. Now I am back to where I was for so many years – I have somewhere to live and its the same place as I’ve been for the last 18 months but it’s not home.
My wife is gone and she may or may not be in a relationship with another man. Apart from the legal documentation we are to all intents and purposes divorced. And never did before BD did I believe that was a possibility. It just shows how complacent i became and how i took her for granted.
When i got in I cried and I kept asking why she would do this but i know the answer to that question and although i disagree, it is her choice not mine.
My wife has left because she believes that I have emotionally abused and bullied her for years. She openly says she is scared of me and my reaction. She has told all her friends and family that i have abused and bullied her. Her sister says she should get the police involved.
She is proud of her strength in this and that she is ‘finally standing up for herself’. Her independence and strength were always some of my favourite things about her.
She can’t stand to be around me and although she loves our children she hates that they mean i will still be in her life.
In the 4 months since BD, I have bitten my tongue, I have done what she asked, I have given her every penny i can afford and i have not fought her on anything except making sure my rights to the kids are secure and that i am financially protected. And yet still she thinks that in this time i have ‘played her’ and ‘abused her’ and that i’m ‘hiding something’ – I do not know what more i could have done to make this easy on her. I offered to move out, I repeatedly offered her the more comfortable bedroom. Anytime she expressed a concern i explained what i was doing as best i could in the most empathetic way I could, but generally she didnt ask she just assumed.
Yes my behaviour hasn’t always been great but i have given her space, I have not initiated contact outside the house. At home i have most of the time left her to it. I have on occasion made comments which she found hurtful or engaged in relationship discussions but i am human and there is only so much i can take when she is pursuing another man and saying the things about me she does.
I have made many changes and improvements, I have been more of the man i should always have been and i feel like many of my poorer behaviours are gone, hopefully for good. I do however recognise that the work is not done and that unfortunately I have not handled this situation with the dignity and class that I truthfully should have done.
I do not see any way back from here except to change myself, wait 3 years and hope that in that time she doesn’t find a more satisfying relationship, which wouldn’t be hard for her given how unhappy she was. This is why she left as she views anything as better than the situation she was in.
I also wouldn’t wish the 3 more years of unhappiness it would take upon her or our kids, it is better she is happy.
Even if by some miracle she did decide she wanted to reconcile with me, her friends and family wouldn’t allow it and she has never yet not done what her sister tells her.
I miss my wife and I wish there was a way for her understand how I feel and that I now understand what she needs from me, what she always needed from me.
Wife, If by any chance you ever read this then I want you to know that I love you and I’m sorry.
Tomorrow I will be picking up the kids from her new house and right now im concerned whether i will even be able to hold it together. Im sure i will but it is reflective of how i feel.
a new phase of my life has begun and it is the last thing i ever wanted, i must somehow find a way to make that next phase good and i must believe that somewhere down the line I can be happy again without the woman I love.
But as of right now i am alone and i am sad.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Never before have I wanted to hug a fellow DBer more than now.
You're right on everything.
You're right that you love her, that you miss her. You're right that you are willing to make the changes, that you've made every effort in the last four months yet they didn't pay off. You're right that you are set to be a much better husband than ever before, especially for her.
You're right that it's going to take a long time, if ever, before she sees you in a new light. You're right that there are obstacles in the way of reconciliation.
You're right that this is one of the most emotional moment of one of the worst experiences in your life. This is not a normal day, not for you, not for anyone. You're right to be upset, angry, sad and to cry and cry. Who cares right now if you'll find happiness one day, because you're right, today it's not here.
Jim, I truly feel and share your pain and I offer you, from thousands of miles away, my understanding and support.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Wonderful post Mza, says what I would like to say.
There is no words to take away your pain that I can say. (((((Jim)))))
This is a hard day and painful for you. Clearly you love W and your children and from that place you can move forward.
The past can not be changed Jim, forgive yourself. There is enormous change in Jim and nothing that Jim has written indicates to me that Jim is or was abusive. Sure like the rest of us, Jim has made mistakes but damaging deliberately his W emotionally, sexually or physically? No indication. The truth will out and delusions will dissipate and this takes time.
You can do this Jim, make your home your own filled with GAL laughter and love.
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/21/1501:25 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
