Responding Vs Reacting

[Faith2b]

Well this has been a tough journey for me. It has not even hit a place where I feel progression. But at the same time I can see much progress. I have come to this site and released many feelings. I was even told that its like a Soap Opera that really hit home for me it was very hurtful. I have come to the conclusion that their can be worse situations. So with that said Im blessed and I have realized much about myself.

I have been GALing this Sat. I went out with my friends and Sunday I worked out. I have been doing a lot to stay grounded and to remove my own sabotaging. Im very proud of my progress. I have really begun to be more in touch with my feminine side. When I see how much power and love I have neglected myself I can see how Im in such a horrible sitch. So the focus on self is so key for me. I have been really enjoying the time I have to reconnect with me. Even though I miss the kids when their with their dad I know its necessary.

Again Im praying for exh. I have let him contact me and I have been very kind and respectful. He has tested me but I have realized that he is still not open to me. Which is ok. Like the DR says you can only believe half of what they say I keep this in mind. I also know in his own way he is fighting many demons and I have to let go and let him work through all this alone.

Im more hopefully not based on my husbands words but on the position I have put myself in Im stronger more centered and I am working through fears. I have recently discovered that I have been very controlling well I knew this but I feel I can see the root now. Im putting my full trust in GOd and placing my worries in his hands. Im not sure whats next but Im going to be ready to respond.

I read recently that an affair is one of the most devastating life events. Im not sure if this is the worst because it has profoundly changed the space in my head lol. I mean the things I am learning are so profound that I wouldnt have it any other way. (Well no I will take that back could I have learned in an easier way??) lol WEll look when life hands you lemons make lemonade. I am for ever grateful for the peace and foundation gained from my life as is now.

I could say in depth about what exactly I have been told by my ex but hey. Right now I have to choose me. Its difficult when your expectations get involved combined with what your spouse says. I seen him this morning and I was ready for what ever he would say. He had to run to work overall it was not some epic meet up just an exchange of the kids we looked at each other. I checked him out in his work clothes. Of course I miss him. But my emotions were in check and he asked me to make some final calls on our marital house closing on Wednesday. We had a set back but we are ready to close.

Im getting more comfortable with both ways being with him or not.
More in important Im focusing on what I need my worthiness. I have to honor where I am. Sometimes I wanna retreat into the dating pool get drunk or just say Im done. This are very tempting but they will not fix my sitch. I have to feel myself very carefully with the recipe for success.


Im going to be ok no matter what happens and the pain I have now will be used for future good. I have many emotions but theyare only that emotions and I am the master of them. I have every ability to get what I want once I trust in GOd. I may not see whats ahead but my assurance is with the right man (GOD) I told my ex the other day when I spoke with him on the phone. He had told me that he will get her out his place and he will breakup with her. He said he has to do it his way. I said back to him very sure. I trust you! Wow what a difference in me. I may not get what ex promises but I trust GOd their for me my responses even when things are crazy and could be potentially untrue have no barrings on where I am heading. Im probably the only person in his life that can give him stability that cannot require out of him not because I dont need him but because I can honor his space I will wait on God. I know I have gone from God and my exh but that ok with me. I realize what going on around me but I choose to stand.


GAL On!!

Please comment??

Im very blessed to have this outlet here on this site. I am not trying to be anyway just trying to express by writing for my own healing forward. Please let me know if i can help or if this may seem a little cra cra I appreciate feedback!