Thanks a lot Mach1 for coming over and sharing your insights. It's hard to know "what kind of man" I want to be because I don't really know the parameters. I can say that I'm a lot of the man I want to be, but I have 180s that address the issues that pushed my W away. For instance, I want to be less critical and I want to express my appreciation and love more (I'd say ILY 1-2 times a year), and I want to be more present with my W. As for confidence, I think I have plenty in my couple. I have clarity of goals and morals and I can communicate them. I don't think it was an issue. Obviously, I don't want to become the opposite of the man I was just because she left me: there were a lot of things that were already right with me and I want to nurture them.
Not knowing who you are, and what you are, is quite common around these here parts Mozza.
It is the "getting lost in the relationship" that a lot of guys do over the course of a long term Marriage, or relationship.
I think that the line that gets "fuzzy" for us, is that fine line between Love and Obligation. Do we do certain things because we love ?
Maybe we do at first, and then the Primal aspect of our Manhood takes over, and we do certain things be we feel more of an obligation rather than a Love for our spouses...
So which is it ?
What do we change ?
What do WE do differently for our future ?
And I think that is where the DB rubber meets the road.
The TRICK....
Finding out how you define Mozza, and finding out who you really are within....
You don't make the changes just because your wayward spouse "wants" those changes made....
That just perpetuates more of the same "getting lost in' behavior...
Of the conversations that you had with her...what are the things that she said, that upset you the most.
You know the ones....
When she was talking, and the hair stands up on the back of your neck....
What were those things ?
Because those are the things that YOU don't like about yourself...
That burn, or sting (as it's called round here), those are moments of growth, waiting to happen.
