Thanks so much RosaLinda, I will try that now and see how I get on, I would like to read your thread from the beginning, I think our H's are similar and the Russian thing is strange.
My H is obsessed with both Russia and Russian women. His sympathy card was based around the fact that he had worked hard his entire life and had nothing to show for it, that he was loyal to his wife (a good woman) but there was no 'love' there (but he was having an affair, lying, cheating - where is the loyalty there?). I cant believe your H told them that you cheated - god, what are they like? Do they not hear what they are saying - how sad.
Yes, he came home last July, I acted 'As if', I didn't confront him, we got on very well. I knew he was in contact with OW and other women while he was here, it didnt annoy me, it just made me sad to witness the complete disintegration of his personality. He wore a mask while he was here with our children. He doesnt know who he is anymore. He tells me how corrupt Russia is and how he is now 'Russian'. To me that is part of it, before all of this, his integrity and honour were what defined him and I think he now feels that these traits did not serve him well - he is disappointed with life, having worked hard and as he says 'nothing to show for it. I think he feels he may as well be corrupt, may as well lie and cheat.
I live in Ireland, yes she has mentioned that she would like to travel and that in time she would like to meet his children but she is very independant, very much a cultural snob too. My H is very cultural, he is a wonderful artist (but won't produce any work - I had an idea to organise an exhibition of his work here, he did some fantastic paintings - 3 and then stopped). She told him that he needed to make up his mind and this past christmas she wanted him to go on holiday with her but he choose to come home here instead. She asked him not to contact her anymore but he did send her New Year wished and she relied saying she was happy to hear from him.
She has decided that he is 'exceptional' - her words. I do honestly think her motivation is that she has found 'true love', that they are 'soul mates' and 'meant to be together' but that his 'loyalty' and his desire not to 'hurt' people he 'cares' about is preventing their ultimate goal - he has asked her for time to see what to do for the best, she has agreed. He is so charming and manipulative, telling her that he loves her, while telling me that he doesn't know what love is,
In the beginning I asked him to commit to her, and get off the fence. His response was that he didn't want to, that he didn't know what he wanted, that he needed time and space and so I gave it to him. She has no idea that I said he should leave, she thinks I am hanging on to him for dear life..............
So, I genuinely think she is lonely, she thinks they have so much in common, that he is an honourable man in a sad situation who is trying to do right by everyone..........she believes this and it is possible that he believes it too............
