Hi Cadet, Thanks for stopping by my thread and I really appreciate your input - your questions are always thought provoking.
I live in Ireland with my children and have always lived here with my H. In the recession of the late 80's, early 90's my H went to Moscow with an Irish company to work - for about a year and a half -6 weeks there followed by 2 weeks at home - we got used to this routine and life was relatively easy for him overthere, the company organised his accommodation, paid all his bills and he even had a driver. Our children were very young and we had three children then, the youngest was a newborn. He loved coming home and we were happy. Ultimately the company offered him a directorship in Ireland and after a year we moved to the West of the country where he would be based.
His company went into liquidation in 2010 and for two years he tried to get work at home and abroad, he is very employable, with a great CV but he felt his age went against him. In late 2012 he was invited by a colleague to go to Moscow to take up a job, he was familiar with Moscow and decided to give it a go as we have significant debt. He said that he went and is there for us (me and the kids) and to try to support us finacially - this is true.
He was only there one month when he met the Russian in a bar, he was completely depressed and suicidal at this point (he told me after the fact), he started the A with her and within a few days told her that he was married with children - I know now that he seemed to be able to show his emotions to her, crying and telling her that he didn't know how to continue - he could never do this with me. She encouraged this and painted a picture of a future with me as 'old friends' commenting on my age relative to hers. She was full of advice of how to deal with me and our children.
I dont think he bad mouthed me to her, he would say things like I am a good mother, a good woman but he was not in love with me.
He told me that he had no feelings for anything and that there were times when he hated himself.
For the first year he came home regularly, every two months and he told her (he was living with her then) that he needed this. she would hound him when he was home - constantly texting and emailing him - he would respond almost in front of me. He was infatuated and obsessed.
She introduced him to a friend who works as an alternative medical specialist - a 'magic' woman and he seems to have been very taken with her. She took him away on a trip to her clinic in rural Russia - they told him that he was going to die soon and that he should take a letter home to his wife telling her that he should be left alone.
I had been leaving him alone at this stage anyway, I told him he could have all the time and space he needed and that I supported him but not his behaviour in relation to other women. He appreciated this. He left her, saying he needed to be on his own and he got his own apartment.
Fast foward to now - he has his own apartment, he comes home infrequently, his relationship with OW is on/off and he wants to have several relationships with woman over there.
Am I providing for any of his needs? I am working on resolving our mutual debt situation, he appreciates all my work in this area. I am looking after our children and our home - he appreciates this too. When he is home, we sleep together, we make love (for the first few days, then he loses interest), I go out with him whenever he wants, am upbeat and happy, no R talks, no talks about OW. It is difficult for me to provide for his needs when he is not here but he knows I am here for him and will help him in anyway he wants.
I am fairly detached now and can see that this is slowly killing him, he has embraced his shadow self completely and does not like himself very much - I am sad for him now not for me anymore. He doesn't see a way home, both metaphorically and physcially. He cannot see a future..............
When I said I was bored with my sitch, it was most likely the wrong word, I meant that I have put it to one side and it is not my focus anymore. I am focusing on my work, my children, our home, our debt and on me too! I sometimes feel that I do not tell my sitch well or coherently and that I miss out on important information that might allow someone on the boards to help - there is just so much to say and not enough time in the day - it would be a 'book' rather than a post!
So, thank you again Cadet, please ask any questions you like, it might focus me!!!!!!!!!!!
