a young man with hope II

[lnlyshp]

Hello all.

Very tough couple of days for me. I thought things were looking up for a while there, everything came crashing down today. S was with his mother last night and today was our day to switch. Last night, I popped a tire on the way home. I had a spare but no jack, so I called a cab and got home. However, I had to ask STBX to pick me up in the morning and drop S and I off at family members house so I could retrieve the jack, get he and I to where the car broke down and change the tire. She helped me out with the ride and everything went fine.

I changed the tire, which I realized had popped in front of a church. I have never been religious, but who knows? Maybe that was a sign from a higher power. Not sure I believe in that kind of thing - but maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing to go check it out sometime. Could help with GAL.

Me and little man get home and watch football and eat and all that and I start noticing the kid keeps scratching his head. I give him a bath to no avail. Finally someone recommends I check for lice - turns out he's got em. Thanks to help from family I was able to comb through his hair and get his medication on his hair.

Called STBX to explain the situation and tell her that all at her mothers house should check themselves as well. During the greeting, when I asked what she was up to, she explained that she was with a friend - which I figure to be a male friend because she always says the names of her girlfriends when they're out. I have been willfully ignorant of her dating life but it seems pretty obvious she is seeing someone else. I can't be too upset considering I was growing emotionally attached to my friend. It's just a really painful thing to discover.

Speaking of my friend, things with her are over. We were seeing each other frequently, but not dating. Just wasn't meant to work out and I think I was trying to fill the void left when STBX leaving me. I did care for her though and I am feeling down that I got my hopes up.

During call with STBX, I broke down a little bit. I was upset that she was off with someone else, that I no longer had my friend to console me, and that little man had lice. Of course, I only told her I felt like I wasn't taking good care of him and not about my jealousy or my friend.

I miss my family. I miss having her in my corner when I just couldn't deal with it all. I miss having her hold me on nights like this and the way she would rub my hair and comfort me. I am sad that I won't ever have that again.