Devastated Husband; Need Advice...Part 2

[TLEE86]

MCS, Zelda, T2- thanks for the check in and all the sound advice. Honestly, I' just having a bad day-a really bad day, I haven't cried this hard since sometime before Christmas. What I need to do is to not let my bad day turn into a bad day for me and her, which is whats been happening every now and then. What triggered the bad day was that she ended up deciding to leave our dog with her "roommate" while she's gone at this internship. Last Friday, she was on the way to ship the dog to me, but the Airport People told her that the crate we were shipping her in was too small, so we couldn't ship the dog. We rescheduled for tomorrow, but she now decided not to ship her and just leave here there. This just hurt me a lot, and I got upset, and I let that show. Because now she's leaving our dog with OM instead of me. I texted and apologized for getting frustrated/upset, but she didnt say anything.

Again, Im just tired of this being a one-way street. But all of you hit it on the head, Im doing this on my own, Im free to call it quits anytime, I'm just not ready to throw in the towel. If she comes crying to me, and I want to help her then ok, but I should not expect her to do the same for me. I need to find someone else to bounce my frustrations off of, not depend on my W to ask me or help me through it, at least not right now. And I need to stop expressing so much how I feel to her, because she's not ready for it. If I keep doing this, she'll get even more frustrated and I'll really be set back a few weeks.

This internship, Idk how it will be for her. It puts her in a completely unfamiliar environment by herself, so I can see it really giving her some pause for reflection, but who knows. This journey she is on will take a long time, to find herself. Even longer because she is so indecisive. It is up to me how long I am willing to wait. My 90 day mark will be my birthday in April, and I will re-evaluate then.

My Goal for this week? STFU and BITE MY TONGUE NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS/DOES. See how that works instead of expressing my feelings.

Oh, and sometimes I feel like I just need a break from all this...like a week of NC just to clear my head, but then I wonder...I really don't want to go a week without talking to her...Idk. I drive myself insane, and I am far from detached.