Little but FIERCE (Little's Thread #6)

[Little]

Last thread was at the end of 11 pages. New thread time!

Recap:

- He cheated on me not once, but twice
- He left me to move in with OW #2
- He lied about all of it, including that there was no one else, that he was sleeping with someone but not in an R with her, that he wasn't moving her into our apartment when I left, so on and so forth [now they're buying a house, golly gee, that was quick!].
- I confronted OW #2 with his history and she revealed most of his lies. Is apparently staying with "her eyes more opened".

Add to that that he only sees negative in all of the years he and I R'd and while he seems to think I'm an "amazing person" he's adamant that he and I together "just don't work".

We're NC, he refuses to speak to me, which is fine and dandy. Jerk (I'm STILL in the anger stage).


Tally ho.

[Little]

Last thread we were talking about having dreams involving your WAS and their OP. And how much it [censored]. Stupid brains.

[Little]

I guess I'm having a bad night. Crying. Trying to rationalize why he's not worth crying over and how I deserve better than this and what he's done.

If I rationalize it, I feel like I'm drowning in emotions I'm suppressing. It hurts and I ache and I feel restless and horrible.

If I let myself feel it, missing a man I consider my twin essence and soul-mate for whom I feel unconditional love, no matter what either one of us has done to the other, it just gouges into me until missing him makes me drown, too. I feel like I'm itchy all over and I want to peel my own skin off because it just hurts.

I don't know how to get over these things. I feel so abandoned and I just want to have a temper tantrum. How could it be that after 10 years together he's okay with just walking away?

[edz]

Hi little

I can't sleep either tonight. One of those arguments the mind and soul get into and we get caught in the crossfire.


Hang on in there little.
Edz

[Vanilla]

Little

Cry if you want, why not, it releases and gets rid of toxins. Allow yourself a set period to grieve and feel angry.

Then stop.

Go do something else, occupy your emotions with something active. Play some wonderful music, dance, sing a long.
Bake a cake or read. Try sudoku, anything to let go. paint a room, clean a drawer, draw a cartoon of H. Then go exercise.

Go GAL even if you don't want to.

The body and mind can only hold one emotion at a time. If you are actively doing another activity then the rest goes. That is my tactic.

[edz]

Hi Little

Hows it going today, has the sleep got any better, you ok my friend?

Edz

[Little]

Carrying on, carrying on. Having trouble with my budget and that's stressing me out. I'm just no good at managing my funds. There's enough coming in, I'm just really crappy with the outflow. LOL

How are you guys?

[edz]

Suppose I shouldnt grumble (I will anyway most days )

Ticking along as per my thread, its sunny today, I slept well w is "tuned out" at the moment and I think dealing with some repercussions of her decisions I'm just trying to give her space to do what she wants or needs to for now.

[Jefe]

Do you do a Dave Ramsey style budget, Little?

[Little]

I don't have any budget, and that's part of my issue.

Still here. Still NC. Still miss BF fiercely. Still carrying on anyway.

Le sigh.