Busting a Move - LisaB Ch6

[Vanilla]

Lisa

I am curious, apart from being flattered (of course), why would you be invited?

If you stay away then is there a good way you can present this so that this creates an opportunity on another occasion? So that your bridges reamain intact.

A few threads ago, Dawn decided to go to her family party at thanksgiving because the family meant so much to her. She was glad she did and it was a huge breakthrough for her confidence.

You could learn a great deal about yourself if you do go, the best decision is that which gives the best eventual outcome. That best decision may not necessarily be avoidance, although that invokes difficult feelings which you will have to handle. However it may be too soon if OWs will be there, and counter productive.

Lisa consider this for the future.
V

[Vanilla]

Lisa

You need to know I am braving a party with H today. I hope no OWs there but H will always find potential OWs!
Trust you are ok Lisa and just musing

V

[Ss06]

LisaB!

I haven't dropped by in a loooong time! I hope you're well and from what I'm reading, you are.

As far as the party... hmmm. IMO, if you're looking good and feeling pretty good, you have better places to be than at a party with WAH and any of his OW. Frankly, in front of your TV with a bowl of popcorn doesn't even say, "woe is me", it says, "i'd so much rather be watching Downton Abby than proving anything to anyone but myself".

What does your heart say about it?

[LisaB]

Hi Vanilla, thanks so much for the feedback! Your train of thought was exactly my original. Since I was invited by his friends - probably a good sign. And since the hosts and WAH knew OWs would be there and still invited me, also a good sign. Or else they are so clueless or want to see a catfight! Who knows.

But in the end of the day unless WAH snubs OW in front of me and sticks by my side at the party and all the other men at the party just sit at my feet, I will probably go home feeling some insecurity. We have been to quite a few parties already together since BD so I have had a chance to strut my stuff. This one with the OW1 I think may just be too much.

Also, a moot point because I already have alternate plans. I will send a message to the host tell them about my other obligations (a great GAL activity that wouldn't be bad if others heard about too).

I had a conversation over the phone with WAH last week. He was upset with me because he didn't think I was interacting like a friend, rather a casual or new acquaintance. Interesting. He seems quite hurt and angry that I have been detaching and disentangling myself from him.

I find his complaints to be a bit confusing. He says he wants to be closer but then he really does not take actions to be closer. He mostly complains but doesn't seem to do anything about it. This has been the story for several months. He will tell me that he is sad, lonely, misses me, wants to be friends... and then I expect he will ask to spend more time with me or call me more often. But nothing really changes. The complaints come and go. Does he expect that he will complain and I will pursue him?

My mind reading (because that is all I have) says that perhaps he senses the loss but is not ready yet to go back and admit he made a mistake. So he regrets and fears losing me but is not ready or willing to do anything to really prevent it - other than complaining.

Annoying.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Hugs, Lisa

[Vanilla]

Lisa

That's good, you have made your decision not to go for the best reason of all. Is there any way you can make this an enforcement statement for your own sake a boundary?

So that you have a precedent for yourself?

V

[Maybell]

Lisa, just checking in. I don't really know what to say about your H. But I wanted you to know I'm still paying attention.

[LisaB]

Hi Ss and Maybell! Thanks for checking in!

I have 2 other parties that night so at this point I have no plans to attend this party, or a pity party for that matter.

On the one hand I still think about my sitch and WAH often. On the other I like being alone and honestly when I think about waking up next to him daily I don't feel happy I feel bored and annoyed. Being single is ok!

Hugs to you all!

[Vanilla]

Lots of GAL points for two parties!

V

[gan]

Thanks for dropping in on my thread, Lisa. You said there has been no contact between you and H in weeks. So what's your plan form here?

It's 8 months separation to the day for me (so ~9 months post BD). I just feel like I've hit a wall and need some clarity. Things are coming to a head on many other people's threads that I've been keeping track of since I joined (Maybell, Ss, Calibri, Mozza). As for my own sitch, I feel like this could go on indefinitely...and I'm not ok with that.

[LisaB]

Hi Ganb8te my dear,
Indeed there's not really any movement over here. I've had a few text conversations with the WAH in the past month but nothing really different than the past 6 months before that. Him acting all buddy buddy but then nothing new really. He wants to meet up next week but I don't see why. More of the same I predict.

In my case I think the status quo could continue a long time as well. I think my H is trying to keep me right here so I don't get away completely but he is not willing to sacrifice his OWs and freedom to get me back. But I don't know what he is really thinking or feeling.

I've pulled away further in the past month. I don't know if he has even noticed. After complaining about it a lot last month he has cut back on his contact too. So who knows.

I guess I don't really have a plan. I am trying to heal and move on. I'm open to being single and thinking that I actually like it better than being with him. I'm letting go. It scares me a bit that I might be better off without him, I feel like I'm falling into the abyss. That once I really let go, it is over and I will never see him in the same way again. That scares me.

The other day a very handsome man asked me on a date. I found myself thinking "uh oh, WAH better wake up soon or I'm going to fall for someone new and forget him". I almost wanted to call him and tell him that. His window is closing fast, or maybe it is already closed.

And like you, since there has been no movement I almost want to temperature check. But I do feel it is hopeless. That until he is ready to say/do something there is no amount of talking or asking questions that will help me.

If I do meet with him I guess I will see how he behaves. Last time I saw him was the dreadful evening in december. Now looking back I see he was very upset with me for pushing him away and ignoring his calls and texts, and thus was acting like a baby. Just another reason why I could do better...

I hope you are well Ganb8te and everyone else!
Hugs, Lisa