TLEE - yeah, I'm that fixer/provider, too. Part of the last straw for me was feeling so taken for granted for someone who acted like he didn't want to be in our home and have anything to do with me. I screamed at him to get out, and now look...regretting every second of that last fight.
If the long goal is to be re-united, then maybe look at DB coaches advice in those terms...unconditional friendship and love, the kind that gives without expectation, not to worry about it.
If you feel like a doormat and that is eating you up, though - did DB coach indicate it might be okay to have that conversation with her about shifting financial support a bit, or would that move you further from the goal to admit you're getting uncomfortable with dynamic?
You sound frustrated with her, like this is hardly a person you admire or respect, and you're resenting the position you're in. And I think it was your comment, that you don't know if you can hang in for years of this?
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
