T0324 continued part 4

[Train]

Everyone has already said pretty much anything I could offer, T0. But I wanted to add: I hear your frustration loud and clear. And I also know that you're showing it here and not at home. Good for you. And that's what we're here for.

I agree that you deserve better and more. But like someone already said, only YOU know when you're done. (Granted, that should be a decision you make after A LOT of careful consideration and thought; in other words, not yet.) And just look at how confused you (VERY understandably) are: One day, you're sad and saying, in no uncertain terms, that you do not want a D. The next day, you're angry as hell (as we would all be) and ready to throw in the towel.

The uncertainty and apathy in your H would make me want to beat my head against a brick wall, too. And it would very likely make me feel like giving up. Because it would seem easier than what you're going through right now.

But the confusion is precisely WHY you've been given the same advice all week: Slow down. Breathe. It is NOT going to make or break ANYTHING for you to sit with yourself for a week or two and use that time to make some important decisions for YOURSELF and your children. Screw what your H says or does - or doesn't say or do - during that week. Make it YOUR week to think about YOU. You owe this to yourself. Reacting (even in silence) to what your H is saying or doing - and not saying or doing - is keeping you frazzled. And no one can think clearly when they're frazzled.

Telling H off or kicking him out or threatening D isn't going to end your M *right now* or fix your problems *right now* or make you feel more peaceful *right now* any more than doing absolutely nothing will. But "absolutely nothing" at least gives you time to think *without the distraction and stress and frenzy* that blowing up would cause.

So if you don't know what direction you want to go, why not at least mitigate as many stress-factors as possible while you work on gaining some clarity? Would it be more stressful to drop a bomb on your H and your family? Would that make you feel better long-term? Would you be able to think about your future life and make some pretty critical decisions with all that going on? Or would it be better to keep things status quo for right now? Just until you feel you're making sound decisions based on YOU and not your H?