Agreed that this is not text worthy at all. I think I am going to suggest we meet with one of the pastors to guide any reconciliation, expectations, etc. This was my sponsor's advice.
wait...
She just called, basically wanting to know if I got her text and said she was fixing to go into a movie and didn't want to talk right now. I said, that's fine.
I think I am going to let this steep for a little while.
No, there has been no remorse about anything and I think she needs to show some, but we are inching closer to piecing and that's a good thing. Me trying to push it along won't do any good. This is her's to fix at this particular point and time. I have to let her do it, or it won't stick, I'm afraid.
A couple of things:
First: I disagree with letting anything remain unanswered between you and your wife. She asked a direct question and deserves a direct and timely response.
Second: All communication with your wife should be honest and concise.
I agree with Toots. The best response would be, "Sorry for the delay in responding. I thought your question deserved a well-thought out response. And the truth is, this question is too big and too intimate to answer by text."
Third: I strongly recommend you initiate a discussion about bringing in the third party (such as your pastor) to work with both of you on what reconciliation might look like.
Have your pastor meet with you separately to discuss your expectations and goals. I think your wife would be amicable to this since it is not traditional marriage counseling.
I would suggest you two meet separately with your pastor twice (for a total of 4 individual meetings) before meeting together.
This will give you both an opportunity to discuss what your expectations are and then hear what your spouses expectations are--without your spouse present. Your pastor will be able to interpret for your spouse.
This way when you both meet as a couple:
(1) there won't be a battle to be heard, (2) the sting of unmet expectations will be minimized, (3) the pastor will have found common ground between the two of you.
I strongly believe her text wasn't a question. I believe it was a request. But, given your wife's history with lashing if she feels she is left emotionally vulnerable...I recommend you tread very gently.
