T0324 continued part 4

[gan]

T0, I do follow along with your thread but it's a fast moving one so forgive me if I've missed some of the details. Is your H taking antidepressants? The word "depression" is thrown around a bit in your sitch, but I do think there are some real signs of clinical depression (H not being able to get out of bed to take kids to school, not being willing to leave the house...are ones that have been used just recently but I've thought this before). If he is depressed, I'm not hearing a lot of compassion from you (yes, he's done some terrible things, but if you are willing to take him back as your H then I think you ought to be able to show compassion towards him).

Have to say I feel the heat just by reading your posts. You seem quite highly strung and sometimes I think that could be compounding the problem, particularly if H is depressed. If he's deep down in a tunnel and you are out the front barking, then it is going to be tough for him to make his own way out.

The money the boss owes you - are you pursuing that issue because you think it is wrong that the boss never paid up? Or because YOU truly need the money? If the former, can you let it go? (We were in a similar situation years ago. It stinks but we still made it through when we decided to stop letting it stress us out). If the latter - well I know H rung up a massive debt during your separation and that is causing him stress now. But as I understood you set a boundary that the debt was his to solve. So stick to the boundary - it is his to solve. He needs to work with boss to get money back or else pursue alternatives to pay off the debt. I honestly think you need to step back from this issue or you are going to wind up not having any options for reconciliation. Do what you can do to calm the situation down.