D20 called in a panic because she arrived to move into her new place in P.A. and the landlord wouldn't let her in. She hadn't paid the deposit of $250.
I told her that I was sorry, but couldn't help her.
She figured it out and will have to call my dad to release some more of the funds from her college account. My dad thinks she is enrolled in community college. She will have to tell him that she isn't. She begged me to tell her what to say. I said, "Tell the truth."
I was reminded of the drama that comes with D20.
What's been hard is the fact that D20 always rallies her troops when she is in trouble. She is great at convincing others how she is the victim and not to blame for her troubles. This family she has been staying with for the past week has been taking her out to dinner and helping enormously. I know she has given them all the dirty details of our lives and how I used her college fund for an attorney and I still don't have consistent support, how I'm impossible to get along with, etc...It's been hard knowing she has altered the truth to suit her purposes...sound familiar?
Last night was some validation that she has some things to sort out...and, it's not all my fault. I know this in my head, but not necessarily my heart. She asked me to open the bill from the landlord which was still here. It was highlighted where she was supposed to pay $250 before moving in. Somehow, she got into the place without paying.
What's hard is seeing her struggle with the same issues I'm still struggling with...prioritizing, organizing, procrastinating...
Anyway. I DIDN'T RESCUE HER! She will have to sort this one out on her own. She gave me a teaser/hint with, "It would all be so much easier if I could call people. But, because I don't have the phone plan, I can't." I didn't bite. She has $12 in the bank and I'm sure some money was spent going out and so forth.
From reading this book on procrastination, I'm seeing I have a few things to put my focus on...LOVING MYSELF NO MATTER WHAT. And, looking hard at what reinforces/refreshes me.
I noticed that, in the book, the author discusses how procrastinators need to reward themselves with things like visits with friends and time on the phone. Well, I'm a bit weird in this respect.
Things that refresh me:
-Time alone with my own thoughts. -Laying in bed, taking a bubble bath. -Face creams, lotions, scrubs... -Fluffy robes and pretty nightgowns. -Flea market/yard sale shopping with $20 in my pocket. -Craigslist.
I think the key is loving myself enough to give myself some rewards. I think that with this stressful job and single parenting, I have to focus my time somewhat in reverse. I need to plan for the good stuff in order to motivate myself for the drudgery.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
