MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

No earth-shattering updates right now... We've actually had a pleasant weekend with W treating me in a much more civil -- almost friendly -- manner. She's actually had a few moments where she's made jokes and small talk with me and that hasn't happened in a long time... Not sure why, but I'll take any breaks from monster that I can get...

Maybe it's me... I had a good GAL Friday and bought a few books to help me focus on things I want to focus on: spirituality, learning to meditate, and my own midlife transition... So maybe by buying the books and bringing these things to my conscious, I am putting out more positive energy around our house...

I know that's not enough to help my MLCer wake up or progress further through the tunnel -- but it certainly helps me right now. Especially the focus on my own midlife transition... I know that I am going through it right now -- and the catalyst for me may very well be my W's MLC (not sure, but a good guess) -- and I want it to be a transition rather than a crisis for me (and for the sake of our kids who don't need both parents going through major MLCs at the same time!)

A week from today she will leave on her "silent retreat" (which, if you've read the earlier posts, I've already confirmed is not a silent retreat but a vacation with OW) and I'm increasingly feeling at peace with all of this. 25yearsmlc really helped put some words to what I was beginning to feel and I am definitely not going to confront her about the trip or about the A -- none of that matters to me anymore. I now know in my heart that I can forgive the A and all of her actions over the past few months. She is on her own journey of discovery right now and I have to let her go. I am also on my own journey. I am also becoming increasingly faithful that God is working on all of this -- working on each of us as we go through our own journeys... I am also continuing to pray for a miracle, but staying grounded in reality as well.

My ultimate goal of course is reconciliation... and another goal related to that is that I hope my children will be able to learn how a couple can overcome some of the worst challenges and rebuild a better, stronger marriage.

If God has other plans for us, then my backup goal is to be a model of how an adult can overcome heartbreak/the end of a marriage and come out as a stronger, more resilient individual who is able to still have an open heart full of love for others.

Immediate goals -- maintain a PMA, GAL, keep doing 180s, and create more positive, warm, loving energy around our house/family so that all of us feel as comfortable around each other as possible now and in the future.