Mighty and daring, You can be there to listen and if asked, give your thoughts, advise, etc., but they've got to figure things out on their own. I know you love your h's very much, but they need to feel the pain, go thru the pain, realize what they've done and yes, clean up their messes and if they truly want to return to you, the relationship and family, then they have to be the ones to do the necessary work to prove to you that they are ready to take on the challenge of earning your trust once again.
Step back, allow them to figure things out and be there as the lighthouse in their storm of emotional coasters. This is the only way that you can help them. If you try to help them too much, they will either not learn the lessons that they need to learn in order to grow and mature into healthy human beings or they'll run right back up into the tunnel for a bit longer.
Nothing says you have to be "friends" right now, but you can be civil, courteous and compassionate. Try to keep your focus on you, your children and your lives for now.
This is a difficult journey for all, but more so when they start to show signs of wanting to be w/family. Don't rush the process, allow them to figure things out, i.e., in other words don't rescue them any more than you have to, unless you find yourself in a financial situation.
Both of you are doing very well in spite of what has been thrown at you. And, yes, you will be the ones to make the decision as to whether you want to reconcile w/them if they do the work necessary and earn your trust once again...but that's down the road a bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
