It's hard finding the balance between being kind and supportive (gently helping him out of the tunnel???), being sure to keep a healthy dynamic (not falling back into old habits which didn't work), boundary setting, and keeping my own emotions in check while dealing with the past, the present, and trying to find my way into the future.
^^^^^^ it's like you are in my brain and succinctly put together all I'm thinking! My STBXH wants to be friends " remain close" as he says. I just don't think I can do that right now. Like you the rejection, the idea that the one person that took vows to stand by me has walked away, is just devastating. But on the other hand I love him and you love your XH and we want to help them out of this MLC tunnel and hopefully see them grow.
Something that I've noticed in my sitch and I think applies to yours right now: My H has started to realize partly what he's done and his contribution to the mess. But he hasn't started to do the work. It's like they start to see the damage, feel the pain and guilt, and then run back into the tunnel. That's when the blaming starts again. I see your H being overwhelmed with his mess and he just can't deal.
Don't know that I have any great words of wisdom- just that hopefully time will help us heal and them grow. Keeping you in my prayers!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
