Life 2.0 Pt 4

[NH115]

One of the more difficult things I deal with right now is never really knowing how I feel. Why am I not angrier? Why am I not sadder? I feel mentally tougher and more positive than I did 6 months ago, but how much of it is real and how much is just what I tell myself to pump myself up?

W was cuddling with me last night on the bed. She was apologizing for all the things she's done to mess up our life. She asked me why I loved her. I told her my reasons. I asked her why she loved me. She said (among other things) because it was because I was where she belonged.

I should have been elated to hear those words. Part of her WAW script over the last few months has been that she didn't know where she belonged.

I didn't feel anything. Why not? Did I detach too well? Have I lost my connection to her? Am I just emotionally exhausted? Or am I just wary of what she tells me, the good and the bad? I know she'll have another panic and be back to the same spew.