Ganb8te 4 - Putting on my giraffe ears

[gan]

I dug into that NWC stuff on YouTube tonight. Somewhere around 1:30...a yes-saying jackal. 8 years and he snapped example. Whoaaa...world just suddenly made a lot more sense.

Yes, that stood out to me, too. That and the convo where the jackal can’t explain what the giraffe can do in order for him to feel loved. I was asking that exact question pre-BD (and now I’ve read 5LL, I have more to go on).

Actually I’ve been digging in to your Myers Briggs theory a bit lately too and found a few interesting phrases on Thinkers vs Feelers (specifically in relation to the ISTJ/ISFJ type):

ISTJs are truly dedicated partners, willing to devote tremendous thought and energy to ensure stable and mutually satisfying relationships. = yep, that explains my albatross tendency (as my IC calls it)
ISFJs are committed to their relationships. They have very intense feelings, which is not immediately apparent to others because they tend to hold things inside themselves without expressing them = yep, always found H a tough read

The straightforward or frank nature of the Thinking partners may mean their words may be cutting at times, and may hurt the Feeling partners with their directness. When hurt, the Feeling partners do not immediately speak up, but rather keep it within only to have it resurface later on.
ISFJs tend to be very selfless, and to put the needs of others well before their own needs. ... In this kind of situation, the ISFJ might bottle up their feelings inside them, and form strong resentments against others. If their partners are ... openly critical of their ISFJ partners, they will find that, given time and pressure, all of those repressed emotions can burst forth in massive verbal attacks that all the future regret in the world won't blunt. = yes-saying jackal

Thinking partners are not as good with dealing with emotions and showing empathy. When Feeling partners share a problem with Thinking partners, the Thinking partners may react by offering a logical solution only as they are not comfortable dealing with the emotions of others. This reaction may result in the Feeling partners feeling that they have not been heard or understood. = So we *are* the emotional distancers, just like you said the other day. Which is quite eye opening for me as I always focussed on the fact that H (as a Feeler) didn't do well to share his feelings whereas I should have been focussing more on showing empathy. Doh!

So I think we are on the right track with trying to improve our empathetic listening skills and generally learning to be softer in our approach to others. Thanks so much, Zelda, for connecting these things together for me.