Ganb8te 4 - Putting on my giraffe ears

[gan]

As to hope, nothing wrong with hope make sure somewhere in there though is the knowledge you're going to be better than ok, you're going to be great its only the timeframe and the details that are unclear yet.

Maybe it's possible to feel unconditional love, acceptance for their decision, all that commitment to change...the desire to leave the door cracked if they want to come back… And still feel a good strong reserve of "eff it, I deserve more than this s***, and it's up ahead for me.”

The no hope is passing phase, it will change when your not so tired. This is where you dump stuff!

Thanks Edz, Zelda and Gg, for coming to the rescue. You were all right of course, I feel much better 48hrs later. It’s a good thing there were no kids around as I did spend a bit of Saturday morning muttering swear words at H.…until I decided that wasn’t who I want to be. I think that is what was frustrating me most on Friday night. I don’t want to be angry at H. I do want to love him and be willing to let him go if that makes him truly happy. So when the anger and non-so-nice thoughts about H creep in it makes me feel like the changes I am aiming for aren’t sticking. Like the old me is surfacing.

But the new me is back and I’ll keep carrying on.

Thanks again. Truly.