I thought everything was okay.....(Part 3)

[Vanilla]

MCS

I understand that to start with detachment is so difficult and it took me a long time to even begin to detach. Whilst detaching from others including H I had to learn to attach to V and her life. There are many threads and discussions about detachment and I suspect many takes on it. MCS do that which works for you.

If its of any help this is V strategy steps:
1. Identify that there is a need to detach as a way of life. Detatch from others and attach to my own life
2. Go GAL, if busy and active then there is less rumination. Some PMA follows GAL but for V GAL was and is absolutely crucial
3. That's at a macro level but what about at a micro level? Go back to step 1, identify that there is abuse, spew, games, manipulation, button pressing, cake eating and decide that action needs to be taken at that particular point in time. STFU if unsure what to do, and handle later. just fluff it. Have to go to the loo, stroke the cat, cook dinner, dash to the shops etc. catch you later.
4. Get the emotion out, IC, this board, your own journal- avoid close friends relatives and definitely Facebook. Supportive detached friend is excellent. Find a role model, mine is Nelson Mandela, and I have read a great deal about him. On handling OP Hilary Clinton ticks boxes for me as well as Nicole Kidman. Princess Diana did some good things, being sassy dressing well, but went to open war; not good.
5. Cry alone and don't chase, follow Sandi guidelines on persuit. STFU in front of H and weeping and gnashing of teeth when alone or ( laughing until p point sometimes)
6. Breathe, breathe and swallow hard. Have a handy non committal line in back pocket.
7. Have a list of things to do and if ruminating go do something. GAL for you life.
8. Keep at it, have goals and measure progress
9. Set reasonable boundaries and enforce. Abuse prohibited.

Be fully attached to your own life, goals and GAL not Ws. It does get easier most of the time, each occasion that works encourages change in us.

Others wiser than me and further down the journey can advise as you travel along, this takes time and persistence.

Hope this helps although not perfect, I am a practical lass, to start with I also needed the rubber band on the wrist ping, and a reward when it worked. A V pamper or mini treat.

I am also of the opinion that GAL can be solitary but that is not the general view which seems to be that GAL needs others. But a hobby actively persued with others which has a solitary angle can be GAL, such as a swim or hike or TED or dressmaking or cooking. It can be turned to full on GAL by joining a club, taking a class, an online board etc....

Peace
Vanilla