Her interest in possibly changing her mind happened during a time of stress for her living the consequences of her decision to end the M. She was looking to me for what I could do for her, and missing the kids. Not because she loved me, or saw how a new, better R was possible. She wanted what I can do, not me.
The huge dynamic in our R was my fixing/rescuing/protecting her. That dynamic drove her to feeling like a child, with me as the parent. One of many things I've learned in my time here is that fixin' is for things, not people.
Lots of introspection and looking at the M as is really was, taking off the rose-smeared glasses... I see things differently than I did.. It seems like when we are first BD'd...all we can remember is the good-times. Then a stage comes where all we remember is the bad....and eventually we find balance and see things more accurately, more as they really were. I would be doing HER a disservice, not allowing her to grow up and become an adult, if we reconciled..I see old patterns and behaviors, from both of us, returning way too easily.
TBH, she has Histrionic Personality Disorder, which is kinda cute and endearing at a volume level of 1-3, but now it's up at a level I do not wan to deal with anymore. She has a lot of work to do on herself before she's ever going to be ready for the kind of R that I want to have. I waited 3 years and worked on myself, I want better for myself now. The difference in the house routines, energy and my life since she left have been amazing, and eye-opening. I truly cannot see her back in my life as more than a co-parent... I'm Mr. Spock logic based, she's feelings based, which worked before, nice balance, especially for the kids. Now? Not so much.
And my new R with an emotionally and mentally healthy, self-aware, intelligent, positive, confident and successful woman has shown me what I was sacrificing, for her, for the R, and my ego.
That's the "3 beers in" version...the details are in my thread.
Hope that answers your question
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
