Devastated Husband; Need Advice...Part 2

[TLEE86]

T2, wow thank you so much for sharing all of that. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read through my sitch and giving me your opinion.

First, this I have a lot of respect for, and is what I am hoping one day I can say as well, regardless of outcome.

I wanted to be sure that when *I* looked back years from now, that I would have no regrets, no "what if I had tried X" thoughts, that I knew deep in my soul that I had done everything I could.

That I didn't cut and run when it got tough. I stood with class, honor and dignity for my M, until I stood for himself.

Really inspiring.

Dig into that fear... where does it come from?

Why are you afraid?

Because she is the love of my life. She is my 2nd W, and I can honestly say that with my 1st W, it was never meant to be and I knew it before I married her. I wish I never did that to either her or myself. I can see the difference between my 1st W and my M with her, and my 2nd W, and our M. My W said the same thing when we got M (her 2nd M as well). Because I look around on this forum at people who have started this journey with me or before me, and a lot of them are headed to D. I really cant believe the pain that is out there, and I wish this on no one. With W and I, D talks are not on the table right now, but it scares me because these talks were not on the table with a lot of people a month ago. I feel that I know what its like to be with someone who you were not supposed to be with (1st W), and how different it feels when you are with someone you should be with. And Im scared to lose her for good, though she may be lost already

I had to accept that I could not direct or control the outcome, because I cannot control another human being, just myself. I had to give the sitch, and her, to God, the Universe, Shiva, etc. and just focus on my kids, and myself.

That was tough, letting go of control. But it was freeing once I did.

I have turned this over to God. Because there is literally nothing I can do to change anything but me. And to this point, I can see (for the most part) that the decisions being made really are to help out both W and I individually, hopefully together.
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On the GAL side, I did do something this weekend. I signed up for cooking classes. I have always wanted to learn how to cook, and I should be starting on 30 or 31 JAN. I am excited and hopefully I like the instructor. If not, I'll get a new one. Working out, I do 6times a week. Honestly its a chore because I have to do it, so to be blunt, I don't enjoy it. At all. So cooking should be fun.