And YES I won't focus on W or OM or whatsoever anymore but myself.. I know by now if I don't get a real 180 done, I have zero chance. So, what actions(not words) are you going to take, to do a 180? Starting when? Why?
BUT I need some technical advise how to respond to certain things and how to properly DB handle certain situations. Thanks
A whole lot of those circumstances will either never come up (so your time spent on worrying is wasted. Time that should have been spent on the changes you want to make) If you finish the book(s) most of your questions^^, will be answered.
As for what your wife says...okay, So, when your wife says
{{WHATEVER SHE SAYS}]
YOU LISTEN... and see what you can learn about HER perceptions and HER hopes and HER dreams. Maybe she will tell you what was missing in the marriage, maybe she doesn't really know, but whatever it was, she feels she has it now. You validate what she says. That's NOT to say you must agree. Validating does Not = agreement.
Validation means you attempt to understand what she is telling you. You can re-cap it, repeat back to her what you hear her saying. "So w, what I hear you saying is that 'x' is important and you feel that need is met. Is that what you mean, w?" Show her that you really want to understand her wants.
IF she says "OM really gets me. HE knows what I like and WE have so much in common!...."
You can say "I can see how that would make you feel good".
It's not about you; it's not about OM; it is about HER. You do Not argue with her about what YOU have in common with her. No arguments. You cannot argue your way back into a marriage or love. As I asked earlier, what has she told you, specifically?
If you can't answer that, I don't know how helpful my words are going to be.
I know you are busy at the moment but something tells me you have the urge to take short cuts here.
This isn't the place or situation for shortcuts. The only way past this pain is through it.
But things do get better. I know that.
So, back to YOU...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
