Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #6

[25yearsmlc]

HP,

I noticed a few things below, including pieces that accurately describe what you do and what you must stop doing.

[quote=sofaraway]
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S12 is old enough to have conversations with his mother without you in earshot. Let them have their conversations privately and only get involved if S12 comes to you because he needs your help in it. It tends to come off as manipulative listening to and quoting your sons back and forth with his mom.

You do not have to give her road maps to your reactions and behaviors. She doesn't need to know you are going to limit your talking to her. She will figure that out.

Yes I must stay out of S12's conversations with his mom. I do tell W about the struggles S12 has b/c I want her to see the impact of what she's doing. I see that is manipulation from me and pressure on him.

It's totally your manipulation here. 100%.


Even though I say I'm moving on and want to... I am stuck on the wanting our R to renew. So I did get sucked into those 2 R talks were I was still trying to talk logic to her and tell her my side. She strangely (to me) seems happy to have these talks which wrongly opens me up to hope that we can talk this through. so I just keep talking without thinking which is very bad.

Not saying "it's very bad", but it is ineffective.

Div Busting is about effective behaviors that help you achieve your goals.

And sometimes the behavior IS the goal.