MLC = my last chance

[123Gwen]

I am so mad at myself for not being able to tell home to go to he**! I am so mad at myself because I feel discarded and I've allowed him to get away with everything because I trusted him so completely. Today I blackslid and I am at a loss. Will I ever learn to exist in this turmoil.

Before the end of year I text H about insurance to make sure it is still the same for 2015. H said it was the same and it wasn't. Still trying to sort that all out with the doctors.

Money is very tight. H automatically deposits it every two weeks but it is not enough. H never asked an amount and so I am bleeding $$$. H will not negotiate any agreement. He avoids everything just like he was a member of congress. I am paying his car payment & insurance because loan is in my name. Thank goodness mortgage is not in my name.

Mortgage was a month behind. I had to prioritize because after 6 months my savings is gone. H cleared out retirement account. I thought let mortgage company call H and maybe he'd sign the separation agreement or at least acknowledge his children and I might be struggling. I mean he left me with 2 kids, 1 dog and a big house with no money. I had no job. 1 kid in college and the other leaving in 2 years. It was crazy.

Today I thought I'd send husband a quote. Sappy but loving quote and now I see how foolish it was. I just thought NC was only helping my lawyer. I don't want to go to court. Even if he files for D I have accepted things but this avoidance is escalating things. Like this afternoon in the mail I get paperwork saying H had requested for me to get calls from mortgage company. I mean this is his loan in his name. I am living here but the payment alone is 60% of what he sends. Add in the car payment and insurance and we are in the negative real fast...

H will not negotiate in good faith. His one attempt to respond with an attorney was a joke. I sent H an email explaining myself for each part of the agreement I had drafted. H refused to respond. I am suing H and he still is not responding. I told H months ago if he acted in good faith I would withdraw the suit but I have to take care of the family.

In my state I have options but it is messy and expensive and frankly a waste of money better spent elsewhere but if H won't use any common sense I will have to go to court. It seems like I am the only person who understands this. OW may be advising him to run out the clock on D16. This advice is flawed for many reasons. H's best chance is to settle in good faith so we can all move forward. I want to set boundaries and heal.

I mean I will win in court but at what cost? airi g all of this is not good for any of us. He leaves me with no choice again and again. Was he always a narcissist? And what is wrong with me - I mean this person he has become is truly a horrible human being.

I never should have reached out. I have so far to go. H is gone, gone, gone and I am so stupid, silly stupid not to understand that.