Thanks a lot for commenting on here. As you can see, its a interesting time for me. I think I need to get over this to fully detach, I'm feeling like the detachment is here, but I think I'm fearful to let it take hold, because I'm worried if I'll be able to go back to her if I do. Its pretty much, I fear if I detach then I won't be able to love her. The anger is coming because I'm trying to hold onto those last little pieces of "how" our former relationship (kids) was conducted and refuse for myself to acknowledge that even that part of our relationship needs to change. Does that make sense?
I post here much more negative stuff than actually is going on, so it probably clouds things because I'm usually on here when I'm feeling down about the sitch and myself. I look at this anger and how I'm writing it down here and its quite the opposite from others that I interact with, most see me and wonder how I'm taking this so well. That's really because of these boards are truly my sanctuary and you guys tell me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear and I appreciate that.
So, thanks....
Here's my struggle with anger....you guys see it more than others and I'm using you all to figure out how to work this out in myself before it starts to take hold with others. So don't fret too much, I'm not in a bad place; there's no holes in the walls or things broken, I've been cordial to my W. Its just I'm pushing the envelope a little based on how things have went over the last 5 months and how I'd like to see our co-parenting go for the future. That's the big struggle here, we both are trying to establish that relationship as parents, yet neither of us are willing to compromise right now.....
A couple things on my anger.....
As I was going through this a couple months ago, my IC said she was concerned about how I was dealing with S, OM, W leaving, House, etc. I asked her why. IC said because she saw no anger in me, I keep justifying her behavior away and just had empathy for her. She said she wasn't sure if I was just burying it down because I was holding onto the fact that I wanted this to work out.
She said to me, you are a heckuva nice guy, genuinely concerned with others before yourself and are trying to do everything possible to save your M. But these are W's decisions and you can't take accountability for them.
Then I see how my transition away from this approach of not dealing with her decisions (that affected me or the kids) at all was to utilize my expectations on her to try and control the anger that I was suppressing. Its funny, the last couple weeks my IC said I'm growing and she's glad I'm finally expressing my anger and everyone on here is saying its preventing my growth. No one is right or wrong, its just I think the objectives are different.
I guess the difference is not whether I'm angry or not right now, but how its affecting my interactions with others. Unfortunately for you, this board is my release of it. Most everyone else is not seeing it at all.
My issue last week was that when the MC saw that she was retreating, I didn't stop. Also, I had I dropped that OM's GF still didn't know what was going on, so W lied to me, so sensitivity of that overshadowed the two things I was trying to discuss with her. How she 'expects' me to communicate with her about kids and how we are going to address the kids emotions.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
