No 2x4 from me. As I have said before, he is playing the victim. I think it's time to call him out on his bad behavior/treatment toward you.
How long can he use the same old excuses of being depressed and stressed? So what? Why take it out on you? So he's broke. Is he blaming you for it? He wants to blame you for the problems in his life......and for being depressed (unhappy).
I do a have a suggestion. Maybe b/c he sounds like a sulking little boy and you are the stronger one who is telling him you want to "help" him. IDK, but to me, it verbally positions him as the weaker person in this R. Even though he really is, I think it might be best to stop saying you want to help him.
He needs to grow up and act like a responsible partner in this MR. If he is going to be your partner, your "other half", he needs to get over himself and start showing you the respect you deserve and his accountability you need to feel secure. As the WAH, he owes it to you. Crawling into his shell and refusing to give decent answers to valid questions is not acceptable in a M. You aren't even sure where he is working! And he doesn't want to talk about it? That's not acceptable. He would not accept any of the b.s. he's been doing if it were you dishing it out to him. But he knows from the previous time that he can act badly and you will try to soften his bed and make life easier for him. All he has to do is make you feel like it's your fault that he has to act this way.
So don't offer to help him. However, you can tell him that you probably would be willing to work together if you knew what you were dealing with. Piecing a marriage cannot include secrets, unaccounted whereabouts, refusal to answer questions, protecting cell phones, etc. It must have complete honesty, which calls for the WAS to be a completely open book to the LBS. Without it, how can there be trust and security?
So yeah, I say call him out when he gives you flippant answers or tries to make it sound like he is a victim to a situation he caused and now he's an unhappy boy. (But don't use those words for your script. )
Listen, I know it is hard for him. Be understanding and patient. Be cooperative and willing to work with him, but do not accept half truths, cover-ups, unwillingness of disclosure, cold behavior.......and any other red flags that start waving around. You can see how quickly he changed and could easily walk away and decide to chunk everything again.
Has the counselor explained to him how it is your H's job to give you security in the M? That it's his job to establish trust?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
) 