Jim0987 #10 - getting ready for mk8

[jim0987]

I cant think of anything i can say that wont be interpreted negatively but then saying nothing probably will be as well.

Excuse my i just indulge my angst and irritation for a moment but my logical mind just cant compute some of this. And yes this is a little bit about me being right but i've not said any of this to her. i'm a bit stuck on how i'm supposed to deal with sort of thing.

None of this is said to me but has been said. My W is desperate to leave (she just wants out and cant stand to be anywhere near me), she thinks i'm deliberately obstructing everything and am a 'Little Toe Rag S***'

The financial deal she is getting from me is money equivalent to 50% of what we would get if we sold the house. its not quite 50% equity but i simply couldnt raise that much and the end cash figure for her is the same. I've said i can only do that if we agree that that is it and there would be no other claims made (except child maintenance). Now i think that is sensible and reasonable - she thinks i'm being a 'money grabbing little turd'

She is very focused on the fact she is getting less than the inheritance she recieved from her gran about 18 months ago (she hopes her gran haunts me for stealing her money - her actual words)

So anyway she had the draft settlement early october and the paperwork from my solicitors early october - she then said nothing until the mid december - I didnt chase. She proposed changes to the agreement on 22nd december trying to strip it back to only the house (my boundary was always no money unless the whole finance settlement is clear)

with christmas and a bit of toing and froing and the fact my solicitor was on holiday until 5th Jan it took a little while for me to get the information i needed. but in the end all resolved by 12th Jan. but this resolution she is unhappy with because it financially covers everything.

Somehow she thinks i'm sat on a pile of savings even though every month I used to put a big chunk of cash for savings into the joint account which she had complete control over. The reality is that when this goes through I will have no debt except a vast mortgage - which is good but my monthly outgoings are going to be near enough the same as my salary. I'm definitely going to be watching the pennies

So through all of this she really cant stand me and thinks i'm continuing to bully and try and control her and has said 'he is enjoying playing me and watching the spectacle' - she feels that she is showing tremendous strength in finally standing up to mr for once

she also hasnt forgiven her mum for being polite to me at christmas.

So from my perspective, I feel i've been really reasonable about this and support her decision (she thinks the opposite) and where there are delays is because i've needed legal advice. I'm not really sure what she would have wanted me to do to 'support her'

So im saying all this in part rant and in part because i'm hoping someone will see something to tell me what i should have done differently because i swear everything i've done to try and improve me, stress less etc. just seems to have made her hate me more. I'm wondering if i had thrown her oout would she have thought that was me supporting her?

Given that i didnt realise my behaviour in the marriage would seem bullying and controlling, i'm worried that i'm still doing it but dont realise.

Once again she doesnt say this to me - she just ignores me but then she has done that for a long time now in truth

I have no idea why i still want a life with this woman when she thinks so poorly of me no matter what i do, but i do and despite all of this i'm grateful for the time that we had together and the 2 beautiful kids we share